Category: Mattism

the sexiest man alive?

11/14/2012

according to people magazine, the sexiest man alive right now is channing tatum. really? i feel like i've blogged about him before. oh, wait, i have! i said he looked dumb. there's even a mattism about him. but, sexiest man alive? you be the judge. (if you click on that, please note it's NSFW.)

it's a sweet dumb. like someone who got hit in the head as a child and was just never right after that. someone you'd shake your head and say, "that poor thing" about.

i bet this girl never knew she'd be memed for this photo.

in this photo, i imagine mcconaughey is marveling over the purported size of ... a subway sandwich.

1 Comment

at long last, two new mattisms

9/7/2012

0 Comments

i know. you thought i created a whole one-off blog category only to abandon it after the one. i'm not off the mattism. far from it.

it's just that with him stationed overseas and me stationed in the nyc, we talk about more important shit than made-up words when we get a chance at an international call.

but this morning i had some time (it was of course 1am for him), and we chatted it up.

ready for the new mattism? the first is "DAA."

no, it's not pronounced "daaaaaaaa." that would be a shitty mattism. it's an acronym. "D.A.A."

of COURSE it's an acronym. matt's in the army. there are acronyms he slings around that he doesn't even know what they mean. like, he only recently realized that his alice bag was an A.L.I.C.E. bag: All-Purpose Lightweight Individual Carrying Equipment.

(because Alice Bag, the nonacronym, is a musician, author and punk feminist.)

what a difference the acronym makes.

I wouldn't want to carry an angry punk feminist on my back.

nor would she want to carry my shit, i'm sure.

it WOULD be interesting, though.

so what's a D.A.A.? "Direct Acronym Association." meaning that you just call it "alice" without even knowing what it is.

the next one? it describes us. "geographically single."

it's not the same as "single." because that means you want to do things like join e-harmony, pick up people in bars, go on dates.

well. i still want to go on dates. just dates with matt.

but while i can't, we're both geographically single. meaning that we can't hold hands, hang out or lay on the sofa all day together. we have a partner, we're just telecommuting. or skypacommuting.

look at that, two mattisms and a rachelexicon all in one post. mustachioed man approves :{D

0 Comments

introducing the "mattism"

4/9/2012

0 Comments

so, this might take a lot of backstory. but first, what is a mattism? it's shit my boyfriend says that in some way is a stroke of genius. well, you might not think they all are. but i get to make up the definition — as i made up the phrase.

the first mattism i'll share with you has to do with channing tatum. yes, this guy:

we went and saw '21 jump street' this past week. (and it was actually really great, both of us laughed so hard we couldn't breath. if you haven't seen it, you should.)

as we left the theater, i commented that tatum's (why he has two ambiguous names that could each be both first or last, i don't know.) agent is pretty smart for following up 'the vow' with a movie like 'jump street.'

and that his agent was always pretty good about it: 'she's the man,' 'dear john,' and 'step up' were all pretty well balanced with 'g.i. joe,' 'fighting' and 'stop loss.' and , yes, i credited these decisions to his agent, because — as i put it at the time — tatum "looks like he was hit in the back of the head with a shovel at a young age."

the. guy. looks. dumb.

you can't deny it. he looks like he's not the brightest bulb in the knife drawer. is it that he's too pretty? some would say. is it because i'm mean that i say it? many would agree.

but, i honestly think it's the vacancy in his eyes and the confused-highschool-bully gait he carries himself with. i'm sure he's a great guy. no doubt. but he looks as smart as a bag of bricks in a toilet-paper-softness test.

finally, enter the mattism: the channing scale. as in, "oh, say, what's that guy over there on the channing scale of one to ten?" not "is that guy dumb or what?!?" more like, "i wonder, is your preconceived notion that the young gentleman to your 2 o'clock would be bright or dull?"

he'd like me to point out at the is time that he actually likes tatum. i say it's because of the aforementioned admirable job his agent is doing at appealing to multiple audiences and not allowing him to be typecast as the dumb guy ...

0 Comments

the sexiest man alive?

at long last, two new mattisms

introducing the "mattism"

Rachel

Archives

One-Off Topics