rachel blogs

mashed potatoes for carmen

6/30/2017

y'all, mashed potatoes are easy and everyone loves them. especially garlic mashed potatoes.

what you need to boil potatoes:

1 bag yukon gold potatoes (or any other GOLD potato), washed, skin on and cubed
2-3 containers kitchen basics chicken stock (stock. not broth.)
12 cloves garilc — i just buy the ones already peeled b/c ain't nobody got time for that
1 tsp salt

then what you're going to want to do:

put the potatoes in a large pot over medium heat and cover with chicken stock
throw in the garlic cloves, whole
throw in the salt
bring to a boil and boil until the potato chunks slide off a fork when inserted, about 15 minutes
drain and place in large bowl

what else you need:

1 small container sour cream
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 stick salted butter, melted
1 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp salt (more if you like salt)
1 bunch chopped chives

now alls you do is literally throw all that in the bowl with the potatoes and mash with a hand masher (or beat with a hand mixer if you prefer creamer potatoes).

and you're done! taste 'em and see if they need more sour cream or anything, but other than that, just eat yourself a big bowl of yummy!

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i made "fridge soup" and it was the bomb-diggity.

8/19/2016

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what is "fridge soup?" it's where you take everything out of the fridge, put it in a pot and simmer it for an hour or more (depending on what's in your fridge).

and this was so good that i have to capture it here. i was drinking my current fave: la crema pinot noir. it's kinda pricey, but if you can ever find it — stock up.

serves:
as many people as put things in your fridge x a couple meals

equipment:
large cast iron pot
a beater with a whisk attachment (or a truck stop hooker who's good at "lending a hand." in which case you'll also need a ten dollar bill and a good hand sanitizer. and maybe a bail bondsman. i recommend atx bail bonds.)

ingredients:
2 pan roasted chicken breasts meant to go in lunch salads, cubed
1/2 container leftover portobello mushrooms, diced to stretch further
3 medium onion bulbs, sliced, stems and all
1/2 container leftover h.e.b. diced white onion
the only 32 oz container chicken stock in the pantry, which is weird b/c you always have stock
2 cubes garlic bouillon
1 tbsp tomato bouillon with chicken
2 packets sazón goya con azafrán
4 cups water
the juice of two limes
4 eggs, separated
1 tbsp grape seed oil b/c you're out of olive oil

what you'll do:
sauté all onions, mushrooms and chicken in your grape seed oil over med-high heat right in the cast iron pot.

meanwhile, muddle all your bouillon together (which includes the sazón goya packets if your spanish is rusty).

add the bouillon to your pot when the onions are about halfway to translucent. stir.

continue to cook until you can see through your onions.

add your water, lime juice and stock and bring to a boil.

once boiling, turn down to simmer and cover. you'll want to stay like this for about an hour.

open another bottle of wine, if needed.

when your husband gets home, the house will smell great and he'll want to eat right away. but you have one more step to go. give him one of those abita wrought iron ipa's from the fridge and let him cool his heels. he can find you guys a nice documentary on netflix.

beat your egg yokes until they get bigger and change color. seriously.

add half your egg whites and beat until frothy.

remove 1 cup of broth from your soup pot and slowly beat it into your eggs. the idea here is to heat the egg without cooking them into an egg patty.

now pour that into your pot. stir and serve.

y'all. that shit was so good. and it wasn't just the wine. we both had it again today for lunch and it was still the bomb-diggity. i suggest you raid your fridge today. like right now.

addition:
reading back through this, we need to go to the grocery store.

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spaghetti sauce for olivia

8/5/2016

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i'm super bad about just throwing recipes at people with no measurements, because it's all just in my brain. so here's easy-peasy homemade spaghetti sauce for olivia. i totally suggest cracking open a nice chianti while cooking, or a spicy spanish red. these are great b/c you can throw some in your sauce if you're feeling saucy.

servings:
6

ingredients:
1.5-2lbs ground meat of your choice
1 yellow or purple onion, not sweet, diced and divided in half
1 bulb garlic, minded and divided in half
4 13oz boxes cirio crushed tomatoes
1 .66oz container basil
1 green pepper, diced
1 small container mushrooms, stems removed and diced
1 oz olive oil
salt & pepper to taste

optional:
for sweet: add 1 red pepper, diced
for spicy: add red pepper flakes to taste
if it's too sweet: red wine vinegar to taste

here's what you do:
sauté half the onion and garlic with olive oil in a medium stock pot — preferably cast iron — over medium to high heat. if you're using red pepper for sweetness, this is the time to add it. when your onions are soft and translucent, add the tomatoes and basil.

stir that shit and let it start bubbling. when you see a couple little bubbles, throw a lid on in, turn it down and let it simmer as long as you can. at least an hour. watch a movie. or have some sex. or both.

leave it on the heat while you use and emersion blender to make it smooth. this is the time to add salt and pepper. you'll probably need plenty of salt. if you're adding red pepper flakes, wine or vinegar, now is the time. taste it. you'll know what's missing.

put the lid back on that and sauté your leftover onion and garlic with your meat, green pepper and mushrooms over high heat in a separate sauté pan. when it's done, strain the fat out and dump it all right in your stock pot with your sauce.

stir and let the flavors sit together for 5-10 minutes before serving.

act like this was very hard to do and you're serving the product of several hours' labor. i mean, really, you watched a rom com and got laid while this cooked. but it's super impressive to say you made the sauce yourself and people will feel special that you took the time. like rice krispy treats with sea salt and brown butter.

hints:
if you're making pasta, i like to boil it in chicken stock rather than water. it's done when you throw it against the wall and it sticks. seriously. but remove it quickly, if that shit dries it could damage the paint.
if you're doing squash, steam it half the cooking time and roast it with a little olive oil the second half.

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on the topic of emma stone

3/4/2013

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i was going to do a one-off celebrity blog post on why every woman hates emma stone. then i realized that's not fair. so i'm amending my idea. it's now why every woman either wants to BE emma stone or wants to kill her. yeah, i know. i went from hate to kill. seems harsher, right? only if you're emma stone. which none of us are. or, it'll seem harsh if emma stone DOES, in fact, wind up murdered and the FEDs read this post. well, FEDs. i have an alibi — even though you haven't told me yet when she was killed. (if you've ever seen an episode of castle, bones, law and order, svu, csi, or any other crimady (crime-drama-comedy) you'll get it. the bad guy ALWAYS has an alibi if he's caught early in the episode. even if beckett, booth, or whoever hasn't even told them when they need one for.)

ANYhoo. why do we all want to kill emma stone? this is why:

no. it's not that she gets to play leading lady opposite the very meme-able ryan gosling in not ONE, but TWO movies of late. as you know, i ryan. but i'm not a fangirl. i just like the meme.

i know what you're thinking, "well, rachel, it seems awfully odd that you think all women would want to either be or kill emma stone over that photo if it's not for the gosling." i know, it's confusing.

and i guess it's not really emma we all hate or want to be. it's the character she plays. however, she gets to make some of these less than flattering on-screen faces and still have people think she's cute:

i KNOW, right?!?! i make those faces and i'm untagging myself so fast.

seriously, though. look at this:

you caught me. i made that. but i think it sums up their storyline quite well.

he's all "hi." she's all "no."

then she's all "yes." and he's all "YES."

i WOULD like to point out at this time that gosling has a very signature kiss. it's from "the notebook." maybe you remember it? he's been doing it in every movie since then.

then she's all "i don't know." and he's all, "anything you want."

and then she's all "yes." and he's all "pg-13."

and so it goes. until she's snagged the "hot guy from the bar" in her confusing red-headed trap. and he's calling her "a game-changer" to his best guy friend, while saying shit like this to her:

that. that right there is why women would love to be emma stone. or would love to kill emma stone. she tamed the bad boy. caught the uncatchable catfish-tale. snapped a pic of sasquatch. proved the existence of nessie, the loch ness monster. in fact, she went for a ride on nessie's back. with a really big aquatic saddle.

by definition, the bad boy is unattainable. in fact, he's less attractive when he's not the bad boy. just look at gosling. he had "photoshopped" abs as the bad boy. next thing you know, he's admitting to having a coin bear for every state quarter. i don't know what a coin bear is. but it doesn't sound bad-boy.

so, yeah, emma stone. watch out. it's you and your kind that makes bad boys unattractive. we blame you.

i leave you all with this:

why? because i can. :{D

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fmlh

2/27/2013

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want to know what the 'h' stands for? hard. fuck my life, hard.

don't worry. there won't be any nsfw photos in this entry to illustrate that point. because i'm on a loaner computer that i can't save anything to. not even a screenshot. how exactly am i supposed to do work? i had to email a pdf from my work account to my personal account just to view it. i'm not even gonna TRY to print anything.

so, that's one of the reasons the fmlh — computer woes. apparently, my hard drive is wonky. and i could have him back maybe today. maybe tomorrow. maybe have to order me a new one.

and this loaner? it's trackpad doesn't even work. so if i ever take it somewhere, i have to drag along an external mouse. but why would i take it anywhere when the only thing i can do on it is email? basically, i can do more with my phone than this computer.

why else fmlh? i'm sick. i'm coming down with a cold. and i've been fighting it tooth and nail since day one. (i'm not sure why a cold would be afraid of teeth and claws, but it's an expression none-the-less.) and it seems that the harder i fight it, the longer i stay in this "almost-sick" place. maybe i should just let it happen.

but the weather's not helping. it's cold. and rainy. and i forgot my umbrella. and no cabs are ever available in the rain. (well, until you're a block away from home and a cabby actually pulls over and asks if you need a ride even though your arm isn't out.)

and we're busy. "work towards this meeting that we'll cancel," and all that.

i dunno, there's a lot to complain about. it's february and i feel like that's a blue month. like an indigo, dark blue. not like a spring day blue. i can't wait for a spring day blue kind of month.

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just because i ryan ...

2/25/2013

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so yeah. this was more fun than ideating on that high-impact print i'm supposed to be doing.

of course, i also used paying my bills to procrastinate. and doing an impossible image search. and started by state tax return(s).

so the bar was set pretty low. and luckily it's lunch time. so i can procrastinate on that print ideation a little longer. score.

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if someone could please tell me why craigslist be hatin'

2/23/2013

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so. remember the saga of the two guys looking for wedding dates on craigslist? well, my friends andrea and alexa posted a response to craigslist: two women need two men needing wedding dates - w4m - 236 (nyc - saratoga). i thought that was pretty cute. but if you clicked on the link you'll see that craigslist removed it.

if they can figure out why, they'll repost. any ideas? is it the pot leaves? the mentions of being craigslist killers? or the cussing? take a look:

click on the ones below if you actually want to read it. it's a pretty funny read. especially if you've read the guy's.

these are the photos:

seriously, let them know what you think it is: 2girlsonedate@gmail.com

you never know, your suggestion could get them some chicken cordon bleu and watered-down open bar drinks!

:{ schnoogins.

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i'm totally being productive today, i swear.

2/20/2013

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so ... my friend sent us this craigslist posting:

Two men need wedding dates - 248 (NYC - Saratoga)

My brother and I are looking for wedding dates for our cousin's wedding in majestic Saratoga, New York on March 23rd, 2013.

We've been told by the bride that bringing dates is "mandatory" so we "won't harass all of my friends all night" and "stay under control". Rather than ask some fringe women in our lives to go and face the inevitable 'does this mean he wants to take it to the next level!?' questions, we'd rather bring complete strangers and just figure it out. Still reading? In anticipation of your questions we've developed an FAQ section below.

Dave, Mike... What's in it for me?
• An excuse to get dressed up
• Open bar & food all night
• Eccentric/downright dangerous bro-2-bro dance moves (may need to sign a waiver)
• Adventure
• Mystery
• Suspense
• True Love
• Royalties once our night's story is developed into a romantic comedy*
*if this happens (we estimate the chances at 85%) we refuse the right to let Ashton Kutcher play either of our characters, however, we will consider him for a supporting role.

SO - What are you fellas like, anyway?

Oh us? We're both in our 20s, single, dashingly tall, Anglo-Saxon, respectfully athletic, love to party, completely house trained, relaxed, passionate, smell great, have cool hair, clean up nice, boast great tie collections, will promise to shave, love our mother, have seen Love Actually several times, controversial, provocative, short-sighted (with a big picture mentality), raw, emotional, sensitive but still bad boys.

What should us ladies be like?

You should respond in pairs as you'll want to know at least 1 person at this wedding. Sisters (twins?!) are preferable, but we'll take friends, or even enemies. You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. You should be relaxed and easy going as we'll probably make up flattering lies about you on the spot. You should own a dress, or be able to acquire one because we don't have any. If (when) you respond you should send some pictures of yourself so we know you've met the above requirements. Feel free to include a resume; this is a classy wedding and we're looking for well-rounded women. Interesting/unique pairings are encouraged; don't be afraid to make yourself stand out!

This feels kinda creepy, are you guys Craigslist killers?
No. Well, if you want to be techni.. nevermind. No, we aren't. We just genuinely want to do something different and we don't see any other way to approach it. What would verify our normalness? Facebook? Instagram? We can have a pre-date screening (interview) prior to the wedding and play 20 questions over a coupla cocktails if you'd like?

We're IN! What now?
First off -- smart thinking. Email us, send along some pictures, information, high school athletic stats, questions, etc. We'll take it from there.

clearly, I'M not going to respond. so i made it so some one else could:

i'll be the quirky friend who made it all happen in the movie version. too bad joan cusack is too old to play me. maybe jon cryer would do it ...

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oh, just grow up already

2/20/2013

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so, yeah, i've been gone for a bit. see, what had happened was: i have a job. i'm a responsible adult with a j.o.b. when in the hell did that happen? i mean, i've been in the work force for a long time now. and i've been out of my twenties for more years than i care to admit.

but sometimes i still feel like i'm sitting around waiting for life to start. but, i guess it's what's happening around me while i wait. i have a career, i'm in an adult relationship, i've kept 2 cats alive for 15 and 12 years, i pay rent and bills, hell i even have a 401k and i've done my taxes already. isn't that life?

on the inside, though, i still feel 17 — and some days i still feel 12. there are 24 year olds who feel older than i do. i remember being 17, though. and i'd have argued tooth and nail with you back then that i was, in fact, an adult. but here i am, twice that age, saying i feel unsettled, unsure and just unadult.

(yeah, i made up a word, deal with it.)

to be specific
:though i've grown into my height, i feel gawky and clumsy.
:i get cocky, thinking i have the right answer and fall into people's insidious traps.
:i don't speak up for myself enough, even though i've got 10 million people giving me the advice and tactics i need to do it.
:i cry at stupid shit. and i'm not just talking about this commercial. i cry when i have to stand up for myself, when people pay me a compliment, or when i have to have the dreaded yearly review.
:i get frustrated and i snap. and i often am too stubborn to apologize. or admit i was wrong.
:i'm a gossip, i know i've shared things with people i shouldn't have. things that could maybe hurt feelings.
:i facebook stalk. and linkedin stalk. and google stalk. who? all of you. everyone i meet. some people i haven't. if you wanna play a fun game, name drop around me and then see how much i know about that person the next time you see me.
:i pollyanna all the time, thinking everything will turn out rosey even though there are storm clouds on the horizon.
:i say things for shock value. (and yet nothing i ever say is really that shocking) just to be the one to get a laugh. i wasn't the class clown. but i'm for sure the meeting clown.
:i procrastinate. in fact, i'm probably procrastinating right now.

there's part of me that thinks that my inner-age helps me in the industry i'm in. it's a young man's game. the young men who know what all the hip, young cool kids do. where they hang out. the shit they say. but then i remember that i have no idea what they do, where they go or what the hell they're talking about. i couldn't even make it past two episodes of "girls" and thought every single episode of "newsroom" was excellent. who AM i?

it could be that i'm unfinished. it could be that i never will be. it could be that i didn't have the dawson's creek, 90210, or saved by the bell high school experience. not even my so called life.

but, you know what? whatevs. if i still feel 17 when i'm 68 — maybe i've been doing something right. and then i'll be glad.

nice ash.

plus, this young/old dog is still teaching new tricks.

this pic would have made my top 12 of 12 list had i had the time to make it.

i taught alexa cohen and lindsay coomes how to smoke cigars at hudson bar and books.

imahaveto go back there soon ;{D

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