what is "fridge soup?" it's where you take everything out of the fridge, put it in a pot and simmer it for an hour or more (depending on what's in your fridge).

and this was so good that i have to capture it here. i was drinking my current fave: la crema pinot noir. it's kinda pricey, but if you can ever find it — stock up.

serves:
as many people as put things in your fridge x a couple meals

equipment:
large cast iron pot
a beater with a whisk attachment (or a truck stop hooker who's good at "lending a hand." in which case you'll also need a ten dollar bill and a good hand sanitizer. and maybe a bail bondsman. i recommend atx bail bonds.)

ingredients:
2 pan roasted chicken breasts meant to go in lunch salads, cubed
1/2 container leftover portobello mushrooms, diced to stretch further
3 medium onion bulbs, sliced, stems and all
1/2 container leftover h.e.b. diced white onion
the only 32 oz container chicken stock in the pantry, which is weird b/c you always have stock
2 cubes garlic bouillon
1 tbsp tomato bouillon with chicken
2 packets sazón goya con azafrán
4 cups water
the juice of two limes
4 eggs, separated
1 tbsp grape seed oil b/c you're out of olive oil

what you'll do:
sauté all onions, mushrooms and chicken in your grape seed oil over med-high heat right in the cast iron pot.

meanwhile, muddle all your bouillon together (which includes the sazón goya packets if your spanish is rusty). 

add the bouillon to your pot when the onions are about halfway to translucent. stir.

continue to cook until you can see through your onions. 

add your water, lime juice and stock and bring to a boil. 

once boiling, turn down to simmer and cover. you'll want to stay like this for about an hour. 

open another bottle of wine, if needed. 

when your husband gets home, the house will smell great and he'll want to eat right away. but you have one more step to go. give him one of those abita wrought iron ipa's from the fridge and let him cool his heels. he can find you guys a nice documentary on netflix.

beat your egg yokes until they get bigger and change color. seriously. 

add half your egg whites and beat until frothy. 

remove 1 cup of broth from your soup pot and slowly beat it into your eggs. the idea here is to heat the egg without cooking them into an egg patty. 

now pour that into your pot. stir and serve.

y'all. that shit was so good. and it wasn't just the wine. we both had it again today for lunch and it was still the bomb-diggity. i suggest you raid your fridge today. like right now.

addition:
reading back through this, we need to go to the grocery store. 

i'm super bad about just throwing recipes at people with no measurements, because it's all just in my brain. so here's easy-peasy homemade spaghetti sauce for olivia. i totally suggest cracking open a nice chianti while cooking, or a spicy spanish red. these are great b/c you can throw some in your sauce if you're feeling saucy.

servings:
6

ingredients:
1.5-2lbs ground meat of your choice
1 yellow or purple onion, not sweet, diced and divided in half
1 bulb garlic, minded and divided in half
4 13oz boxes cirio crushed tomatoes
1 .66oz container basil
1 green pepper, diced
1 small container mushrooms, stems removed and diced
1 oz olive oil
salt & pepper to taste

optional:
for sweet: add 1 red pepper, diced
for spicy: add red pepper flakes to taste
if it's too sweet: red wine vinegar to taste

here's what you do:
sauté half the onion and garlic with olive oil in a medium stock pot — preferably cast iron — over medium to high heat. if you're using red pepper for sweetness, this is the time to add it. when your onions are soft and translucent, add the tomatoes and basil. 

stir that shit and let it start bubbling. when you see a couple little bubbles, throw a lid on in, turn it down and let it simmer as long as you can. at least an hour. watch a movie. or have some sex. or both.

leave it on the heat while you use and emersion blender to make it smooth. this is the time to add salt and pepper. you'll probably need plenty of salt. if you're adding red pepper flakes, wine or vinegar, now is the time. taste it. you'll know what's missing.

put the lid back on that and sauté your leftover onion and garlic with your meat, green pepper and mushrooms over high heat in a separate sauté pan. when it's done, strain the fat out and dump it all right in your stock pot with your sauce. 

stir and let the flavors sit together for 5-10 minutes before serving. 

act like this was very hard to do and you're serving the product of several hours' labor. i mean, really, you watched a rom com and got laid while this cooked. but it's super impressive to say you made the sauce yourself and people will feel special that you took the time. like rice krispy treats with sea salt and brown butter.

hints:
if you're making pasta, i like to boil it in chicken stock rather than water. it's done when you throw it against the wall and it sticks. seriously. but remove it quickly, if that shit dries it could damage the paint.
if you're doing squash, steam it half the cooking time and roast it with a little olive oil the second half.

i'm still not going to tell you my secret that's not my secret. but, i have some fun adventures in fail-to-win cooking to share with you. and you're just going to have to deal with that.

i decided that i wanted to make sour cream and onion potato chips. not just that i want to thin slice potatoes and either bake them or fry them. i wanted to make LAY'S SOUR CREAM AND ONION POTATO CHIPS.

and i started out with a big win. before i tell you about it, i'd like to point out that i KNOW this isn't how lay's does it. i KNOW lay's has a concentrated yummy powder they put on potato chips. that i could probably just put powdered sour cream and onion dip on homemade potato chips and call it a day. but, i'd seen a recipe where someone tried something similar to what i did with fake mashed potatoes. so i figured this was worth a try. (plus i'd been drinking, as seen at left.)

"lay's sour cream and onion" mashed potatoes

you'll need:
2 irish baking potatoes
chicken stock
6 cloves garlic
2 tbsp fresh chopped chives
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tsp onion powder
salt and pepper to taste

what you'll do:
peel your potatoes. i know there's this trick that everyone has seen online where you boil the potato, put it in ice cold water for five minutes, and then twist the peel right off. but i peel first, because i boil cubes.

cut your potatoes into cubes.

throw them into a large pot full of chicken stock with your garlic cloves and bring to a boil. boil gently for 10-15 minutes — until a cube falls off a fork when stuck.

strain, reserving your stock for future use. mash the potatoes and garlic together. add the sour cream, chives and onion powder with some salt and pepper.

i promise it tastes like a freaking potato chip.

so, the idea was to bake thin layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper.

ok, so that was dumb. i ended up with thin burned layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper. my next thought was to invest in a food dehydrator. then i remembered my kitchen-space and monetary situations. then, my next thought was caviar. 

yeah. i went from potato chips to caviar. it makes total sense.

i kept thinking about those little pancakes that come with caviar. and how a lot of people like their caviar with sour cream.

so, i walked around new york for about an hour in search of a can of caviar that i could afford but should also taste good. west village market: go.

rachel's not so pretty potato pancakes for caviar consumption

you'll need:
leftover lay's sour cream and onion mashed potatoes
an egg
leftover creamy lemon chive dressing
grated cheese (i used my leftover fontina)
caviar
parchment paper

we're going a little loosey-goosey with this episode. because i did some weekend cooking, some weekend experimenting, and some weekend day-drinking. and it's wednesday. 

so, i have no fun pic of a bottle of wine to start with. i don't have finished pics of one dish. there's even going to be a whole second installment of one-off food blog to chronicle all of the things i did with food over the weekend. (and if you have a gross mind, get it out of my gutter.)

we're going to start with where i started: jalapeño deviled eggs and cilantro-lime chicken salad, both from my pinterest board, "shit i'm making TONIGHT" and soon to be seen on "i did it."

which one will i make again? both. which one first? the eggs. because i'd do things differently a second time around.

first thing i'm gonna do is teach you how to boil an egg. yes, i know you THINK you know how to boil an egg. 

but, to be fair, i have an ex who didn't know how to boil water. he filled the pot to the brim and put it on a burner set to high. most of us know how THAT turned out. 

no, i'm going to teach you how to boil and egg without that strange green ring around your yoke. while i dislike the green ring because i think it makes for a dry yoke, it's also not aesthetically pleasing. and you see a lot of yoke in deviled eggs. so aesthetics are important.

get yourself a medium-sized pot with a lid. gently put 6 (or however many, it's 6 for this recipe) eggs into your pot and cover with water about an inch higher than the eggs.

why do we put the eggs in first and not the water? because people seem to acquire an irrational fear of water when dropping things into it and never let their fingertips get wet. so you tend to drop them in and crack your eggs when they hit the bottom of the pot.

why do we not bring the water to a boil before dropping in the eggs in? because the fear of water is rational at this point — as it's BOILING — and you're even more likely to crack your eggs.

put your pot on a burner at medium-high heat and bring to a boil. not a full-on rolling boil, but a baby boil. once you hit boil, put the lid on, turn off the burner and remove from heat. let it sit for 20 minutes. then run your eggs under cold water.

gently tap them all over on a flat surface and remove the shell. cut open. no green rings. perfect.

jalapeño deviled eggs

you'll need:
6 large boiled eggs, cooled and peeled
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
3 tbsp mayo (i'd actually do less, see my notes at the end)
2 tsp chopped cilantro
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 teaspoon citrus champagne vinegar
the juice of a quarter of a lime
pinch cayenne pepper
pinch paprika
salt and pepper to taste
a plastic baggie

you'll notice i already switched out the vinegar and added paprika. the paprika was an accident, i grabbed the wrong jar. and the vinegar was what i had on hand and it worked.

but the addition of the lime juice was very purposeful. i just feel like if you're going to have cilantro and jalapeño, you gotta have lime juice. 

what you'll do:
cut your eggs in half lengthwise and remove the yokes with a spoon. mash the yokes in a bowl. like really well. 

add everything else to the bowl and mix. 

i put it all in a plastic baggie and kneaded it a little. then i cut off the corner of the baggie and used it to pipe the whole mess into my little egg boats.

i call them boats because the "deviled" was too runny. it formed lakes into my little boats and sunk them. the whole plate was deviled. (which was fine, as i have no shame in licking  palate. it's just not presentable. and deviled eggs are normally a presentation-type thing.)

what would i do differently? more yokes. less mayo. refrigerated the deviled baggie for an hour or two before piping into the boats.

and i AM going to try again, soon. they were totes good. i might even make me some paelo-mayo and try it like that.

what you're supposed to do is pipe it into the egg boats and refrigerate for an hour or more before serving. but i'm liking my refrigerate in baggie idea to let the deviled set a little. 

so, now i have an assload of cilantro. and another jalapeño. and lime. i should make cilantro-lime chicken salad.

you'll need:
3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts (if i were to do this again i'd do 2 large breasts and 2 thighs. i'll explain later)
chicken stock (recipe found here, subtract the lemon. or you can use what you have frozen or even store-bought.)
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
4 tbs chopped cilantro
the juice of one lime
one finely-diced red onion
1/3 cup mayo
1 tbs dijon mustard
1tsp cumin
salt and pepper to taste

how to poach chicken
in a medium-large pot, immerse the chicken in chicken stock.

bring it to a boil over medium-high heat. once it starts boiling, reduce the heat to a simmer and partially cover for 10 minutes. 

remove from the heat and let the chicken hang out in the stock for about 15 minutes.

after that, the rest of the recipe is pretty simple.

what you'll do:
use two forks pulling in opposite directions to shred your chicken.

put it into a large bowl with the rest of the ingredients (well, minus the chicken stock, obvi. the chicken stock you re/freeze for later.). stir it all around.

let it cool in the fridge for several hours before serving.

now, while this recipe was so good it actually inspired me to make a sammy (and we all know my crazy aversion to all things bread.), it IS a little dry.

when i made my sammy i put mayo on the bread, even though most normal people wouldn't on a salad sandwich. and the tomatoes helped.

but it wasn't really a "needs-more-mayo" kind of dry, it was an "i-used-all-white-meat" kind of dry. next time i'll use some thighs, as noted earlier.

i have my first request. black chimichurri steak. i'll look into that and maybe this weekend try it out. if not, for sure next week.

follow my board, and remember: ALWAYS drink responsibly when you cook, you could lose a finger.

*all shitty photos taken with my iphone

for episode 2 of "shit i'm making TONIGHT," i really changed up the recipes i tried. like a lot. i'm almost reluctant to tell you where i started. but for the sake of the structure of these one-off blogs, i will: pork chops and squash. sounds simplistic, right? not once i was done with it, but oh-so-good.

let's start with the wine, as i always do. what you need to note here is that i'm not a sommelier, and i'm not trying to be. i'm not truly pairing wines with meals. i'm having a glass or two of a bottle i think i'll like while i cook.

this time it's a cab sauv out of oregon. eh, it's ok. their sauv blanc is way better. and much more reasonably priced. and usually, i would have chosen a heartier, chardonnay-type, white to go with pork. but with the pungent flavor of blue cheese (which i didn't even use), i thought a red would work.

then i changed up the recipe a ton and the wine was anyone's guess. i should prolly just get to the recipes.

i'll call them 'savory stuffed chops' and 'squashed pot bake.' (it will all make sense later.)

i'm going to take you through the two recipes together, because you have to use the oven for both so it effects temperature and cook time. but you can separate them. remind me, and i'll tell you how at the end. (funny, it's that sentence that will remind me. you don't actually have to do anything.)

savory stuffed chops and squashed pot bake

you'll need:
(for the chops)
two large boneless pork loin chops
4 oz fontina val d'aosta
3 slices prosciutto 
2 tbsp chopped fresh chives
salt and pepper to taste
toothpicks

(for the squashed pot)
1 medium butternut squash
1 large sweet potato
1 bulb roasted garlic (mashed into a paste)
drizzle of olive oil
aluminum foil
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 stick butter (browned)
salt and pepper to taste

first things first, we roast the garlic.

why did i roast a whole bulb into paste when the recipe called for just 3 lightly-roasted minced cloves? i wanted to bring out the nutty flavor of roasted garlic. and adding the nutmeg helped soothe the pungent-nature of the garlic.

spread evenly on a large cookie sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. reduce the heat to 325, put the chops in the oven and remove both after 20-30 minutes, depending on the thickness of your chops. but, i'm getting ahead of myself.

during the first 20 minutes of the squash pot baking, prepare your chops. 

grease a small pan.

chop your cheese into tiny cubes, about 1/8 inch by 1/8 inch. chop your prosciutto the same way. mix them together in a bowl with your chopped fresh chives.

divide into halves and roll into 2 loose balls.

with a sharp knife cut a "pocket" into your chops, much the same way you'd butterfly them, only leaving three sides intact.

push one ball into each pocket and flatten your chops. close the pocket with toothpicks.

place them in your greased pan and salt and pepper the top.

bake for 20-30 minutes at 325 degrees with your squash pot bake.

the flavors of the fontina are woodsy, nutty and mushroomy. the prosciutto is salty. the chives are savory. making the sweet pork more flavorful. 

the squash pot only serves to accentuate that nutty woodsiness. try amuche-bouching them together for the one perfect bite.

plus, the sweet potato will be softer than the squash. it's a nice contrast in one dish.

if you're going to make them separately, cook the chops in a preheated oven at 325 degrees for about 20 minutes and the squash pot at 375 degrees for 30 to 45 minutes.

don't forget to follow my pinterest board, and stay tuned for the next episode of shit i'm making TONIGHT.

*once again, all shitty photos taken with my iphone. 

so, how does it work? i pin the shit i'm making TONIGHT and then i make it. maybe according to directions, maybe not. i'm that kind of cook. then the next day i update my pin description as to how it went, what i did differently and (most importantly) how it tastes.

then i blog the recipes, always naming my source, of course.

last night in my counterless small-space nyc kitchen? lemon-parsely beef brisket from marksdailyapple and creamy lemon-chive zucchini noodles from martha stewart. i really wanted matching flavor profiles for my main and side. and i don't know if i can express how well these flavors went together. the two were a little soupy on the plate and they just melded beautifully together in this wonderfully yummy happy accident. it could be the wine drunk during the 3 hour cooking time talking, but i was in heaven.

somehow without any butter in the dishes at all, there was this overall butteriness to my plate. it's like the acidity of the lemons reacted with the meat and the cream to break down their flavors and bring out their inner-butter. 

plus. if you're in the dairy phase of your diet, the whole thing is totally paleo. 

what kind of wine goes with this meal, do you ask? well, not having made these recipes before, i was kind of winging it. so i went with an old standby: cab sauv.

now, knowing what i know, i'd go more peppery. i think a zinfandel could really complement the lemon-buttery flavor i experienced. or, if there were such thing as a peppery white wine ... maybe a gruner veltliner?

the meal is really rich. you don't want a "meaty" wine to distract you from the flavors. and the absence of root vegetables make the beef taste differently from there other things you've shoved in the oven for hours on end.

it was a nice surprise.

did i do anything differently than the recipe called for? not really. i added pepper to both. 

but my first instinct was to sauté the zucchini noodles in their dressing and some butter. i'm really glad i didn't, so i could experience them as intended. i was a little skeptical. but they were SO good as is. maybe i'll try cooking them tonight when i try my leftovers.

ok, enough preamble. let's do this.

lemon-parsley brisket

you'll need:
a 3 lb brisket
6 cloves garlic
2-4 pinches sea salt
freshly ground black pepper
the zest of a lemon
olive oil
the juice of 3 lemons
3 cups water
3 large leeks
a handful finely chopped parsley
an oven friendly pan with lid (or aluminum foil)

what you'll do:
bring your brisket to room temperature — yes, this step is important. and preheat your oven to 325 degrees.

while you do that wash your leeks and cut off the dark green parts. slice them down the middle, i actually quartered mine, and slice thinly. set aside. 

it's time to juice and zest your lemons. a couple tips:

next, finely chop your garlic cloves. what you want to do is make a paste out of the garlic. i'm assuming you could use a food processor to do this. but, there's no room for a food processor in my new yourk kitchen. so i followed the advice of the recipe.

i sprinkled the garlic with a large pinch of sea salt. (luckily, i was working on the section of my cutting board that i'd used to slice and zest my lemons. so the paste got all juicy and nice.) then you "crush" the garlic with the flat of your knife. really grind it down, using both hands. i chopped a little as i went. it really did end up as a paste. (please be careful.)

once you have your paste, mix it with the lemon zest, another large pinch of sea salt and some pepper. (i used a lot of pepper.) and rub about half of it all over your meat.

wash your hands and heat some olive oil, about 5 good splashes, in your oven safe pan over medium-high heat. how do you know if your pan is oven safe? i found a handy video.

luckily, my lid had a sticker on it that declared it not oven safe. so, the pan did fine with aluminum foil on top. i'd kinda assume your glass lid isn't oven safe unless it specifically says. there ARE some made out of pyrex that are oven safe.

anyway, sear your brisket on either side and remove the meat.

add your lemon juice and water to the pot and bring it to a boil. if there's any meat or garlic-zest stuck to the bottom, unstick it.

rub the rest of your garlic zest on your meat and put it back in the pan and place the leeks around it — not on top, cover with aluminum foil and throw it in the oven.

i did 2 hours and 45 minutes, then threw my parsley in and cooked for 15 more minutes, uncovered.

it worked out really well if i DO say so myself. i added salt and pepper and hunkered down to eat.

this was amazing. but i hear it will be even better tonight. we shall see.

halfway through cooking, i was dying of hunger. so i have a plate of the cold zucchini. and that's what made me decide not to cook it, it was THAT good.

creamy lemon-chive zucchini "noodles"

what you'll need:
the juice of one lemon
sea salt
1 cup light cream
a handful minced chives
2 medium zucchini
a veggie peeler
a small jar or lidded container

what you'll do:
first, you make the dressing. i hate recipes that tell you you'll need 1/4 cup creamy-lemon-chive-dressing and then send you off to another place to find that. so, we're going to start there here.

in your lidded container, combine the lemon juice and a large pinch of sea salt. shake it like a polaroid picture, or until the salt is dissolved.

add the cream and chives and shake again. in fact, shake it every time you use it. season it with salt. it'll last in your fridge up to a week. (but you'll want to eat it all up before then, i guarantee you.)

martha's recipe called for a julienne blade on a mandoline. fuck you, martha. not all of us have the kitchen storage of a media mogul. she even called for fleur de sel. fuck you someplace fairly uncomfortable, martha. regular sea salt did me fine.

so i peeled the zucchini and cut off the ends. then i used the exact same peeler to peel off ribbons. stop when you hit seeds. do this all around the zucchini and then throw the seedy middle away. who wants a seedy middle?

you're supposed to put it in a colander over a mixing bowl and sprinkle with salt. letting it sit for 15 minutes. then you're supposed to gently squeeze the zucchini to extract excess water. damn wine, i forgot.

so i just threw some on a plate, dressed it and ate it. i didn't notice it being excessively watery. so, again, take that martha.

you know what else wasn't very watery? 

sassy detox water (found here)

you'll need:
a lemon, sliced
a peeled cucumber, sliced
a tsp grated fresh ginger
about 10 fresh mint leaves
a quart and a half of water
a 2 quart pitcher

what you'll do:
throw it all in the pitcher and let it sit overnight. 

it's supposed to taste great, even as a substitute for soda or coffee. it's supposed to give you energy. it's supposed to make you feel great. it's supposed to jumpstart your metabolism. it's supposed to help you lose weight. 

i had to MAKE myself drink it this morning. it was so gross. it's no soda or coffee, trust me. i don't have any more energy. i don't feel any better — or worse, to be fair. my metabolism seems to be metabolizing at a regular rate. and i haven't miraculously shed any pounds.

in fact, i kind of feel like a slugged down a laxative with a fiber-spiked cup of decaf coffee. in short, gross.

i guess that just proves that not all things you see on pinterest are worth pinning. which is exactly why you should follow my board. 

what am i having tonight, you wonder? probably leftovers. i've been thinking about them all day. i might have to try a different wine, though. oh, and i have no microwave. so i'll have to get all old-skool on the reheat. 

i'll let you know if the brisket is truly better the next day.

what do you want me to try next? i have a "things are getting paleo up in here" board and a "great, now i'm hungry" board to choose from. because i'm not paleo. i just date one. or, suggest a pin you've always wanted to try. i pretty much eat anything. except babies, so no lamb or veal.

happy pinning!

*all shitty photos taken with my about to be replaced iphone 3GS.

but somehow, i'm gonna make lemon-parsely brisket tonight with creamy zucchini noodles on the side. and a refreshingly light detox drink. 

get ready for a funny post tomorrow, and pin my new pinterest board: "shit i'm making TONIGHT." and we'll see how long i can keep this one-off topic up ...

there are 3 things that are paramount when making greens:

1. a good potsticker. every time you make greens, you save the "juice." that serves as your base for your next batch. it's called "potsticker." i've been working on mine now for years. seriously. i'm going to have to figure out how to dry ice it and mail it up to new york. again, seriously.

2. wash them real good. then wash them again. then wash them again. greens are gritty. and sandy. and buggy. especially when you buy local. and you literally have to wash them for about an hour. don't believe me? ask my intern.

3. and then you cook the fuck out of 'em. greens are bitter. and if you don't cook them long enough, they stay bitter. and no one wants bitter greens. do yourself a favor and cook them until they're darker in color, kinda mushy and not bitter at all. all you should really taste is your potsticker. if you taste green, cook them longer. remember, greens aren't done until they're done.

ingredients:
two bunches of greens (they cook WAY down)
a yellow onion
a couple garlic cloves
a ham hock or two (they come packaged as two)
potsticker (or chicken stock if you're just starting out)
chicken stock
vinegar (white, tarragon or champagne. not apple cider, balsamic or red wine)
cayenne pepper
ground mustard
garlic powder
celery salt
salt&pepper

how do you wash greens? it's called a "white bowl wash." basically, you wash it in a colander while you remove the spines. then you soak it in a white bowl. then you colander it again. then you bowl it again. and you keep doing this until there's no grit at the bottom of your bowl. see the grit (above)? gross.

then you lay it out on paper towels to dry.

if you need to defrost your potsticker, do that before you start washing.

chop up your onion and garlic and sauté them in some hot olive oil in your pot. as they start to get translucent, add the ham hock. let that cook a little, just to get the smell of ham in the air and let the taste soak into the onions.

then you pour in your potsticker/chicken stock.

how do you cut greens quickly and efficiently? pile them all up (into about 4 or 5 bundles) and roll them like a cigar. grasp the bundle and slice it length-wise down the middle. then slice small sections all down the length — about 10-12.

throw your greens in the pot. pour in enough chicken stock to cover the greens.

keep it on medium-high heat until it boils. then turn it on down to simmer for 3 hours (or more).

add vinegar and spices to taste. it will take a lot.

save the potsticker for next time, throw out the ham hock and eat you some greens.

what do you drink while making greens?

moonshine. but i didn't have any.

so i did sake. whatevs.

but this is what i'd imagine don draper has for dinner.

an extra dirty belvedere martini with three olives, an extra large fillet mignon and an arugula salad.

why do i imagine that? it's what i have for dinner when someone else is paying for it.

but last night? i made it. here's how:

first, the perfect extra dirty vodka martini. IMPERATIVE.

get a vodka you like. my favorite is actually three olives. but belevedere will do in a crunch. (i sound so snobby)

first, take a splash of dry vermouth and swirl it around your glass, coating the inside. then dump it out.

then mix ice (a handful), vodka (a 5 count) and olive juice (a drunken splash) in a shaker.

pour it, minus ice into your vermouthed glass. garnish with three olives and drink your face off.

if you're still standing after your 'tini-tasm, it's time to make dinner.

first things first: heat a grilling pan over medium-high heat and a broiling pan in the broiler set at low.

OR, better first things first: bring your meat to room temp. seriously.

i like irish butter. so i take irish butter, a diced garlic clove, and salt&pepper and hand knead it into the meat.

then i sear the outside in the grilling pan — one minute per side.

throw it into the broiler for three minutes per side.

and it's time to make the salad.

i love arugula. and you KNOW i love cilantro. so i did greens of arugula with cilantro.

then added diced fresh banana pepper and red onion. then i spritzed it with the juice of half a lemon with a bit of citrus-champagne vinegar and olive oil. salt and pepper that shit, and you're good.

i cannot tell you how good this was. i licked my plate.

what do you eat when the ac is out? something cold. that requires little-to-no cooking.

i made sweet corn salad.

roast 4 ears of corn in the oven at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes. (by "roast" i mean cut off the kernels, toss in olive oil/champagne vinegar/salt&pepper and put it all on a cookie sheet.)

while it roasts, chop a half a red onion, a handful of cilantro, a clove of garlic, half a fresh banana pepper and two small deseeded tomatoes.

put the corn in with everything and toss it with the juice of a lemon/olive oil/citrus champagne vinegar/salt&pepper.

it's good and not hot.