so, yeah, i've been gone for a bit. see, what had happened was: i have a job. i'm a responsible adult with a j.o.b. when in the hell did that happen? i mean, i've been in the work force for a long time now. and i've been out of my twenties for more years than i care to admit.
but sometimes i still feel like i'm sitting around waiting for life to start. but, i guess it's what's happening around me while i wait. i have a career, i'm in an adult relationship, i've kept 2 cats alive for 15 and 12 years, i pay rent and bills, hell i even have a 401k and i've done my taxes already. isn't that life?
on the inside, though, i still feel 17 — and some days i still feel 12. there are 24 year olds who feel older than i do. i remember being 17, though. and i'd have argued tooth and nail with you back then that i was, in fact, an adult. but here i am, twice that age, saying i feel unsettled, unsure and just unadult.
(yeah, i made up a word, deal with it.)
to be specific
:though i've grown into my height, i feel gawky and clumsy.
:i get cocky, thinking i have the right answer and fall into people's insidious traps.
:i don't speak up for myself enough, even though i've got 10 million people giving me the advice and tactics i need to do it.
:i cry at stupid shit. and i'm not just talking about this commercial. i cry when i have to stand up for myself, when people pay me a compliment, or when i have to have the dreaded yearly review.
:i get frustrated and i snap. and i often am too stubborn to apologize. or admit i was wrong.
:i'm a gossip, i know i've shared things with people i shouldn't have. things that could maybe hurt feelings.
:i facebook stalk. and linkedin stalk. and google stalk. who? all of you. everyone i meet. some people i haven't. if you wanna play a fun game, name drop around me and then see how much i know about that person the next time you see me.
:i pollyanna all the time, thinking everything will turn out rosey even though there are storm clouds on the horizon.
:i say things for shock value. (and yet nothing i ever say is really that shocking) just to be the one to get a laugh. i wasn't the class clown. but i'm for sure the meeting clown.
:i procrastinate. in fact, i'm probably procrastinating right now.
there's part of me that thinks that my inner-age helps me in the industry i'm in. it's a young man's game. the young men who know what all the hip, young cool kids do. where they hang out. the shit they say. but then i remember that i have no idea what they do, where they go or what the hell they're talking about. i couldn't even make it past two episodes of "girls" and thought every single episode of "newsroom" was excellent. who AM i?
it could be that i'm unfinished. it could be that i never will be. it could be that i didn't have the dawson's creek, 90210, or saved by the bell high school experience. not even my so called life.
but, you know what? whatevs. if i still feel 17 when i'm 68 — maybe i've been doing something right. and then i'll be glad.
but sometimes i still feel like i'm sitting around waiting for life to start. but, i guess it's what's happening around me while i wait. i have a career, i'm in an adult relationship, i've kept 2 cats alive for 15 and 12 years, i pay rent and bills, hell i even have a 401k and i've done my taxes already. isn't that life?
on the inside, though, i still feel 17 — and some days i still feel 12. there are 24 year olds who feel older than i do. i remember being 17, though. and i'd have argued tooth and nail with you back then that i was, in fact, an adult. but here i am, twice that age, saying i feel unsettled, unsure and just unadult.
(yeah, i made up a word, deal with it.)
to be specific
:though i've grown into my height, i feel gawky and clumsy.
:i get cocky, thinking i have the right answer and fall into people's insidious traps.
:i don't speak up for myself enough, even though i've got 10 million people giving me the advice and tactics i need to do it.
:i cry at stupid shit. and i'm not just talking about this commercial. i cry when i have to stand up for myself, when people pay me a compliment, or when i have to have the dreaded yearly review.
:i get frustrated and i snap. and i often am too stubborn to apologize. or admit i was wrong.
:i'm a gossip, i know i've shared things with people i shouldn't have. things that could maybe hurt feelings.
:i facebook stalk. and linkedin stalk. and google stalk. who? all of you. everyone i meet. some people i haven't. if you wanna play a fun game, name drop around me and then see how much i know about that person the next time you see me.
:i pollyanna all the time, thinking everything will turn out rosey even though there are storm clouds on the horizon.
:i say things for shock value. (and yet nothing i ever say is really that shocking) just to be the one to get a laugh. i wasn't the class clown. but i'm for sure the meeting clown.
:i procrastinate. in fact, i'm probably procrastinating right now.
there's part of me that thinks that my inner-age helps me in the industry i'm in. it's a young man's game. the young men who know what all the hip, young cool kids do. where they hang out. the shit they say. but then i remember that i have no idea what they do, where they go or what the hell they're talking about. i couldn't even make it past two episodes of "girls" and thought every single episode of "newsroom" was excellent. who AM i?
it could be that i'm unfinished. it could be that i never will be. it could be that i didn't have the dawson's creek, 90210, or saved by the bell high school experience. not even my so called life.
but, you know what? whatevs. if i still feel 17 when i'm 68 — maybe i've been doing something right. and then i'll be glad.
nice ash.
plus, this young/old dog is still teaching new tricks.
this pic would have made my top 12 of 12 list had i had the time to make it.
i taught alexa cohen and lindsay coomes how to smoke cigars at hudson bar and books.
imahaveto go back there soon ;{D
this pic would have made my top 12 of 12 list had i had the time to make it.
i taught alexa cohen and lindsay coomes how to smoke cigars at hudson bar and books.
imahaveto go back there soon ;{D
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