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oh, just grow up already

2/20/2013

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so, yeah, i've been gone for a bit. see, what had happened was: i have a job. i'm a responsible adult with a j.o.b. when in the hell did that happen? i mean, i've been in the work force for a long time now. and i've been out of my twenties for more years than i care to admit.

but sometimes i still feel like i'm sitting around waiting for life to start. but, i guess it's what's happening around me while i wait. i have a career, i'm in an adult relationship, i've kept 2 cats alive for 15 and 12 years, i pay rent and bills, hell i even have a 401k and i've done my taxes already.  isn't that life?

on the inside, though, i still feel 17 — and some days i still feel 12. there are 24 year olds who feel older than i do. i remember being 17, though. and i'd have argued tooth and nail with you back then that i was, in fact, an adult. but here i am, twice that age, saying i feel unsettled, unsure and just unadult.

(yeah, i made up a word, deal with it.)

to be specific
:though i've grown into my height, i feel gawky and clumsy.
:i get cocky, thinking i have the right answer and fall into people's insidious traps.
:i don't speak up for myself enough, even though i've got 10 million people giving me the advice and tactics i need to do it.
:i cry at stupid shit. and i'm not just talking about this commercial. i cry when i have to stand up for myself, when people pay me a compliment, or when i have to have the dreaded yearly review.
:i get frustrated and i snap. and i often am too stubborn to apologize. or admit i was wrong.
:i'm a gossip, i know i've shared things with people i shouldn't have. things that could maybe hurt feelings.
:i facebook stalk. and linkedin stalk. and google stalk. who? all of you. everyone i meet. some people i haven't. if you wanna play a fun game, name drop around me and then see how much i know about that person the next time you see me.
:i pollyanna all the time, thinking everything will turn out rosey even though there are storm clouds on the horizon.
:i say things for shock value. (and yet nothing i ever say is really that shocking) just to be the one to get a laugh. i wasn't the class clown. but i'm for sure the meeting clown.
:i procrastinate. in fact, i'm probably procrastinating right now.

there's part of me that thinks that my inner-age helps me in the industry i'm in. it's a young man's game. the young men who know what all the hip, young cool kids do. where they hang out. the shit they say. but then i remember that i have no idea what they do, where they go or what the hell they're talking about. i couldn't even make it past two episodes of "girls" and thought every single episode of "newsroom" was excellent. who AM i?

it could be that i'm unfinished. it could be that i never will be. it could be that i didn't have the dawson's creek, 90210, or saved by the bell high school experience. not even my so called life.

but, you know what? whatevs. if i still feel 17 when i'm 68 — maybe i've been doing something right. and then i'll be glad.
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nice ash.
plus, this young/old dog is still teaching new tricks.

this pic would have made my top 12 of 12 list had i had the time to make it.

i taught alexa cohen and lindsay coomes how to smoke cigars at hudson bar and books.

imahaveto go back there soon ;{D

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by the power of grayskull

11/5/2012

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i think i might have overused the #fuckyousandy hashtag. but it was warranted, i think.
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because in one week, i went from this:

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:to living less than a block from this ...

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 ... to day after day of this:

and finally? this:
i promise i'm going to tell you all about it. but right now i'm trying to find a grocery store that has everything i need to finally make that black steak chimichurri that's been requested on "shit i'm making TONIGHT." i already pinned the recipes. and i already know how i'm going to alter them. i just have to find the ingredients. fresh direct can get them to me by wednesday and d'agastino's shelves are pretty bare. ballalalalalas.

thanks to all of you who emailed, facebooked, called, texted and checked in. also, special thanks to jwt for letting me charge up there.

:{D happy movember, btw. i TOLD you you'd thank me for the mustachioed man!
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shhhh ... it's a secret

10/17/2012

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wow, it's been a while. basically, because the one and only thing that's been on my mind is not my thing to share. so i can't. and i'm worried i'll let it slip the more i type. 

but, you can keep a secret, right? so can i, bitches.

i remember before i started typing my thoughts onto this blog i said, "i don't blog because i'm afraid people will read it. i don't tweet because i'm afraid people won't." first it was a facebook status, then it was this:
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see? i said that.
why did i worry people would read my blog? because i was afraid i'd censor myself. i'm crazy weird on the inside and think totally inappropriate things that sometimes just fall out of my mouth. and maybe you'd think i'm weird. or maybe you wouldn't like what i had to say. or maybe i'm not the person you think i am.

so with that in mind, why was i afraid no one would read me on twitter? because weird feels more appropriate 140 characters at a time? no. because it's a social sharing engine. you want people to read you. you expect them to read you. so you tone the weird down.

and then somehow people started reading the blog. and it seemed no one was reading my tweets. so i was right. 

and twitter became my safe place where i could say "penis" for no reason or share my political beliefs without the Facebook nazi's belittling them or even just put a "secret" out there into the ether if i needed to get it off my chest.  until this happened:
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no, it's not just that my mom doesn't do twitter. but it was funnier that way. it seemed like no one at all was listening. and somehow, i had a little privacy and anonymity on a social network.
and that wasn't all. but it was the beginning. a tweet about my safespace, twitter, was favorited. retweeted. responded to. people sent me personal emails. they'd heard me.

and now, shit, you're reading it too. so now that my entire brain is consumed by this thing i can't tell, i feel like i can't say anything else. because you're listening. and i might slip up.

then i read about this guy: 
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he's not a real guy. i mean, he's a real guy. but we'll call him "that guy" and "this guy" because we don't know what to call him.
since 2007, some guy has tweeted and facebooked as that guy, "dave on wheels," a 24-year-old deaf quadriplegic with cerebral palsy. but he's not that guy. that guy's name isn't even dave. it's hunter.

i mean, what that guy did was wrong. he says he was trying to be a motivational inspiration. and to many he was. but he's also been accused of pretending to be that guy to get close online with pretty girls. and he was close online with a lot of pretty girls. (seems like a kinda fair accusation)

but that doesn't mean that i can't just take his lead and go be someone else, right? why couldn't i just go off and blog/tweet/book as " beyond bridgette" or "susie smiles" and spill my secret?

but, dammit. it's still not my secret to tell. 

so you'll have to wait for new apartment photos, to know which kitchen island i chose, or for the "black steak chimichurri" "shit i'm making TONIGHT" pinterest post. because i'm currently consumed by this secret that isn't even mine. 
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shit i'm making TONIGHT, episode 3

10/10/2012

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we're going a little loosey-goosey with this episode. because i did some weekend cooking, some weekend experimenting, and some weekend day-drinking. and it's wednesday. 

so, i have no fun pic of a bottle of wine to start with. i don't have finished pics of one dish. there's even going to be a whole second installment of one-off food blog to chronicle all of the things i did with food over the weekend. (and if you have a gross mind, get it out of my gutter.)

we're going to start with where i started: jalapeño deviled eggs and cilantro-lime chicken salad, both from my pinterest board, "shit i'm making TONIGHT" and soon to be seen on "i did it."

which one will i make again? both. which one first? the eggs. because i'd do things differently a second time around.
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first thing i'm gonna do is teach you how to boil an egg. yes, i know you THINK you know how to boil an egg. 

but, to be fair, i have an ex who didn't know how to boil water. he filled the pot to the brim and put it on a burner set to high. most of us know how THAT turned out. 

no, i'm going to teach you how to boil and egg without that strange green ring around your yoke. while i dislike the green ring because i think it makes for a dry yoke, it's also not aesthetically pleasing. and you see a lot of yoke in deviled eggs. so aesthetics are important.

get yourself a medium-sized pot with a lid. gently put 6 (or however many, it's 6 for this recipe) eggs into your pot and cover with water about an inch higher than the eggs.

why do we put the eggs in first and not the water? because people seem to acquire an irrational fear of water when dropping things into it and never let their fingertips get wet. so you tend to drop them in and crack your eggs when they hit the bottom of the pot.

why do we not bring the water to a boil before dropping in the eggs in? because the fear of water is rational at this point — as it's BOILING — and you're even more likely to crack your eggs.

put your pot on a burner at medium-high heat and bring to a boil. not a full-on rolling boil, but a baby boil. once you hit boil, put the lid on, turn off the burner and remove from heat. let it sit for 20 minutes. then run your eggs under cold water.

gently tap them all over on a flat surface and remove the shell. cut open. no green rings. perfect.
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jalapeño deviled eggs

you'll need:
6 large boiled eggs, cooled and peeled
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
3 tbsp mayo (i'd actually do less, see my notes at the end)
2 tsp chopped cilantro
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 teaspoon citrus champagne vinegar
the juice of a quarter of a lime
pinch cayenne pepper
pinch paprika
salt and pepper to taste
a plastic baggie

you'll notice i already switched out the vinegar and added paprika. the paprika was an accident, i grabbed the wrong jar. and the vinegar was what i had on hand and it worked.

but the addition of the lime juice was very purposeful. i just feel like if you're going to have cilantro and jalapeño, you gotta have lime juice. 

what you'll do:
cut your eggs in half lengthwise and remove the yokes with a spoon. mash the yokes in a bowl. like really well. 

add everything else to the bowl and mix. 

i put it all in a plastic baggie and kneaded it a little. then i cut off the corner of the baggie and used it to pipe the whole mess into my little egg boats.

i call them boats because the "deviled" was too runny. it formed lakes into my little boats and sunk them. the whole plate was deviled. (which was fine, as i have no shame in licking  palate. it's just not presentable. and deviled eggs are normally a presentation-type thing.)

what would i do differently? more yokes. less mayo. refrigerated the deviled baggie for an hour or two before piping into the boats.

and i AM going to try again, soon. they were totes good. i might even make me some paelo-mayo and try it like that.

what you're supposed to do is pipe it into the egg boats and refrigerate for an hour or more before serving. but i'm liking my refrigerate in baggie idea to let the deviled set a little. 

so, now i have an assload of cilantro. and another jalapeño. and lime. i should make cilantro-lime chicken salad.
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you'll need:
3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts (if i were to do this again i'd do 2 large breasts and 2 thighs. i'll explain later)
chicken stock (recipe found here, subtract the lemon. or you can use what you have frozen or even store-bought.)
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
4 tbs chopped cilantro
the juice of one lime
one finely-diced red onion
1/3 cup mayo
1 tbs dijon mustard
1tsp cumin
salt and pepper to taste

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slice horizontally into the onion 4-5 times, leaving 1/4 inch intact
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slice vertically into the onion 6-7 times, leaving 1/4 inch intact
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slice down the onion, creating minced pieces. discard the remaining 1/4 inch
there are two things i'm going to teach you with this recipe. the first?

how to quick-chop an onion
1) peel your onion

2) cut off the ass-ends of your onion and discard

3) cut your onion in half

4) with a sharp knife, slice horizontally into the onion 4-5 times, leaving 1/4 inch intact (as pictured left)

5) now slice vertically into the onion 6-7 times, leaving 1/4 inch intact (as pictured left)

6) now, slice down the onion 7-8 times, creating minced pieces (as pictured left)

7) discard of the remaining quarter inch (or chop with wild abandon and incorporate into the minced pieces.)

how to poach chicken
in a medium-large pot, immerse the chicken in chicken stock.

bring it to a boil over medium-high heat. once it starts boiling, reduce the heat to a simmer and partially cover for 10 minutes. 

remove from the heat and let the chicken hang out in the stock for about 15 minutes.

after that, the rest of the recipe is pretty simple.

what you'll do:
use two forks pulling in opposite directions to shred your chicken.

put it into a large bowl with the rest of the ingredients (well, minus the chicken stock, obvi. the chicken stock you re/freeze for later.). stir it all around.

let it cool in the fridge for several hours before serving.
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now, while this recipe was so good it actually inspired me to make a sammy (and we all know my crazy aversion to all things bread.), it IS a little dry.

when i made my sammy i put mayo on the bread, even though most normal people wouldn't on a salad sandwich. and the tomatoes helped.

but it wasn't really a "needs-more-mayo" kind of dry, it was an "i-used-all-white-meat" kind of dry. next time i'll use some thighs, as noted earlier.

i have my first request. black chimichurri steak. i'll look into that and maybe this weekend try it out. if not, for sure next week.

follow my board, and remember: ALWAYS drink responsibly when you cook, you could lose a finger.

*all shitty photos taken with my iphone

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8/22/2012

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crazy or cellphone?

5/3/2012

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you know what's freaking unsettling? when you're in line in a public place, like a coffee shop or the DMV, and a perfect stranger looks right at you and asks a question. it doesn't matter what it is — "are you fucking kidding me?" "how are the kids?" "was it dog shit?" — you're taken aback. you fluster around for an answer and finally say "yeah." or "me?"

then they point to their ear and mouth, "phone." or, they roll their eyes and turn away and you notice the tiny device in their ear with a wire snaking into their collar and figure they're secret service. or, they're crazy. like batshit crazy. and now you're involved in a conversation with a person who's crazy.

hmm, i'd rather that than an asshole on the phone. i mean, don't make eye contact with me, asshole. this is the real world. that shit could get you killed in some places ...
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    Rachel

    i'm an advertising copywriter who had this idea one day to blog. one-off blog, one day this and one day that. because i'm an expert at pretty much nothing, i figured i'd write about everything.

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