Category: Funny

on the topic of emma stone

3/4/2013

i was going to do a one-off celebrity blog post on why every woman hates emma stone. then i realized that's not fair. so i'm amending my idea. it's now why every woman either wants to BE emma stone or wants to kill her. yeah, i know. i went from hate to kill. seems harsher, right? only if you're emma stone. which none of us are. or, it'll seem harsh if emma stone DOES, in fact, wind up murdered and the FEDs read this post. well, FEDs. i have an alibi — even though you haven't told me yet when she was killed. (if you've ever seen an episode of castle, bones, law and order, svu, csi, or any other crimady (crime-drama-comedy) you'll get it. the bad guy ALWAYS has an alibi if he's caught early in the episode. even if beckett, booth, or whoever hasn't even told them when they need one for.)

ANYhoo. why do we all want to kill emma stone? this is why:

no. it's not that she gets to play leading lady opposite the very meme-able ryan gosling in not ONE, but TWO movies of late. as you know, i ryan. but i'm not a fangirl. i just like the meme.

i know what you're thinking, "well, rachel, it seems awfully odd that you think all women would want to either be or kill emma stone over that photo if it's not for the gosling." i know, it's confusing.

and i guess it's not really emma we all hate or want to be. it's the character she plays. however, she gets to make some of these less than flattering on-screen faces and still have people think she's cute:

i KNOW, right?!?! i make those faces and i'm untagging myself so fast.

seriously, though. look at this:

you caught me. i made that. but i think it sums up their storyline quite well.

he's all "hi." she's all "no."

then she's all "yes." and he's all "YES."

i WOULD like to point out at this time that gosling has a very signature kiss. it's from "the notebook." maybe you remember it? he's been doing it in every movie since then.

then she's all "i don't know." and he's all, "anything you want."

and then she's all "yes." and he's all "pg-13."

and so it goes. until she's snagged the "hot guy from the bar" in her confusing red-headed trap. and he's calling her "a game-changer" to his best guy friend, while saying shit like this to her:

that. that right there is why women would love to be emma stone. or would love to kill emma stone. she tamed the bad boy. caught the uncatchable catfish-tale. snapped a pic of sasquatch. proved the existence of nessie, the loch ness monster. in fact, she went for a ride on nessie's back. with a really big aquatic saddle.

by definition, the bad boy is unattainable. in fact, he's less attractive when he's not the bad boy. just look at gosling. he had "photoshopped" abs as the bad boy. next thing you know, he's admitting to having a coin bear for every state quarter. i don't know what a coin bear is. but it doesn't sound bad-boy.

so, yeah, emma stone. watch out. it's you and your kind that makes bad boys unattractive. we blame you.

i leave you all with this:

why? because i can. :{D

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just because i ryan ...

2/25/2013

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so yeah. this was more fun than ideating on that high-impact print i'm supposed to be doing.

of course, i also used paying my bills to procrastinate. and doing an impossible image search. and started by state tax return(s).

so the bar was set pretty low. and luckily it's lunch time. so i can procrastinate on that print ideation a little longer. score.

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if someone could please tell me why craigslist be hatin'

2/23/2013

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so. remember the saga of the two guys looking for wedding dates on craigslist? well, my friends andrea and alexa posted a response to craigslist: two women need two men needing wedding dates - w4m - 236 (nyc - saratoga). i thought that was pretty cute. but if you clicked on the link you'll see that craigslist removed it.

if they can figure out why, they'll repost. any ideas? is it the pot leaves? the mentions of being craigslist killers? or the cussing? take a look:

click on the ones below if you actually want to read it. it's a pretty funny read. especially if you've read the guy's.

these are the photos:

seriously, let them know what you think it is: 2girlsonedate@gmail.com

you never know, your suggestion could get them some chicken cordon bleu and watered-down open bar drinks!

:{ schnoogins.

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i'm totally being productive today, i swear.

2/20/2013

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so ... my friend sent us this craigslist posting:

Two men need wedding dates - 248 (NYC - Saratoga)

My brother and I are looking for wedding dates for our cousin's wedding in majestic Saratoga, New York on March 23rd, 2013.

We've been told by the bride that bringing dates is "mandatory" so we "won't harass all of my friends all night" and "stay under control". Rather than ask some fringe women in our lives to go and face the inevitable 'does this mean he wants to take it to the next level!?' questions, we'd rather bring complete strangers and just figure it out. Still reading? In anticipation of your questions we've developed an FAQ section below.

Dave, Mike... What's in it for me?
• An excuse to get dressed up
• Open bar & food all night
• Eccentric/downright dangerous bro-2-bro dance moves (may need to sign a waiver)
• Adventure
• Mystery
• Suspense
• True Love
• Royalties once our night's story is developed into a romantic comedy*
*if this happens (we estimate the chances at 85%) we refuse the right to let Ashton Kutcher play either of our characters, however, we will consider him for a supporting role.

SO - What are you fellas like, anyway?

Oh us? We're both in our 20s, single, dashingly tall, Anglo-Saxon, respectfully athletic, love to party, completely house trained, relaxed, passionate, smell great, have cool hair, clean up nice, boast great tie collections, will promise to shave, love our mother, have seen Love Actually several times, controversial, provocative, short-sighted (with a big picture mentality), raw, emotional, sensitive but still bad boys.

What should us ladies be like?

You should respond in pairs as you'll want to know at least 1 person at this wedding. Sisters (twins?!) are preferable, but we'll take friends, or even enemies. You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. You should be relaxed and easy going as we'll probably make up flattering lies about you on the spot. You should own a dress, or be able to acquire one because we don't have any. If (when) you respond you should send some pictures of yourself so we know you've met the above requirements. Feel free to include a resume; this is a classy wedding and we're looking for well-rounded women. Interesting/unique pairings are encouraged; don't be afraid to make yourself stand out!

This feels kinda creepy, are you guys Craigslist killers?
No. Well, if you want to be techni.. nevermind. No, we aren't. We just genuinely want to do something different and we don't see any other way to approach it. What would verify our normalness? Facebook? Instagram? We can have a pre-date screening (interview) prior to the wedding and play 20 questions over a coupla cocktails if you'd like?

We're IN! What now?
First off -- smart thinking. Email us, send along some pictures, information, high school athletic stats, questions, etc. We'll take it from there.

clearly, I'M not going to respond. so i made it so some one else could:

i'll be the quirky friend who made it all happen in the movie version. too bad joan cusack is too old to play me. maybe jon cryer would do it ...

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can boobs be funny AND classy?

10/4/2012

4 Comments

we've all heard it: women aren't funny. apparently, we don't laugh. nor do we write funny ads that make other women laugh – much less make guys laugh. in fact, it seems we're a walking punchline to a joke we don't get. case in point:

i know it's labeled "funny boob commercial," but i didn't laugh. "double-breasted sandwich?" get it? eh, eh? i can just see the elbow nudging going on during the creative presentation.

but, i still assert that some of the funniest people i've ever met are women. i, for one, like to laugh. hell, i even think i'm funny. (in a dark, self-deprecating way, but still funny.)

but i think women might be clever funny, or classy funny. like this:

(yes, i know this was done by male creatives. i'll make a point about that later.)

or this:

(yes, i know i'm friends with the smart, witty, creative folks who did this ad. that doesn't mean i can't like it.)

so, yeah, as a lady i can appreciate a good boob joke with the breast of 'em. (yes, that was a BAD boob joke.)

but there's also this other misconception: that guys don't get girls. that just because you have a vagina only you can write/art direct the kind of tear-jerking poignant ad that women cream over.

but i assert this: men have been appealing to women since they got their first erection. they understand the nuances of "selling" something to women. they do it in bars, on dating sites and every single day. and even if they're taking the shotgun approach, they score sometimes. some of them most of the times.

the inverse is also true: women can sell to guys. for all the same reasons. whether or not the ad is "funny," even.

yes, i know i made up the word "manalytics," but i think even that is kinda funny. :{D mustachioed man does too. and even though he's an emoticon, he's a man. man.

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on the topic of emma stone

just because i ryan ...

if someone could please tell me why craigslist be hatin'

i'm totally being productive today, i swear.

Two men need wedding dates - 248 (NYC - Saratoga)

can boobs be funny AND classy?

Rachel

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