what did i do while guys shoved shit into my new apartment? i guarded the truck. 

not from passerby or thieves, but from cops and meter maids.

not sure if you can see it, but there's a "no parking" sign there. 

even a sign that proclaims that if you dare to idle over 3 minutes it's a $2000 fine.

one that says "no standing at any time" is being obscured by the truck.

without supervision, i was left with this:

i can't lay on that sofa. i'm a tall girl.

my mom suggested i get an ottoman to put at the end of it, kind of like an extension. 

not a bad idea. i think i'll take a look at west elm to see if there's anything that might go well with my existing sofa.

i really wish i could find a way to make the chaise work. any ideas? 

i'll cook the winner a chicken dinner. (5 points if you know the reference.)

things i have left to do are finish unpacking, get an island, figure out what to do with the boxes, buy bed lifts, and hire a handyman. 

i need him to do a few things: hang my shelves above my sofa, mount my tv to the wall, hang blinds in two windows, and build me a storage ledge over the front door. 

again, any suggestions?

i'm going to attempt curtain rods on my own. if that goes well, maybe i'll go for the blinds. but the other stuff involves being able to put weight on things. and i'm not sure i'm up to that ...

i HAVE to tell you more about my adventures in apartment hunting. first of all, i saw two very promising places yesterday and have more lined up with the same people today. you don't have to worry about me at all, monday was a fluke.

BUT, i DO have more funness to share. let me tell you all about it ...

i called "will" at like 8:45 in the morning, and it sounded like I woke him up. it also sounded like he could have possibly been in the company of one infamous mary jane. (no judgement.) i asked for a 5:45 showing and he offered 6. but he was weird. i read him the title of the Craigslist posting and all he said was, "price?" like that's how he identifies his properties. he said it was still available, but that I had to meet him at his office.

so i decided to bring a friend. it just seemed too sketch. HE seemed too sketch.

we get there (119 w 23rd at 6th ave, suite 300) and it's this room full of people on computers, on phones, milling around. they sit us down with this guy steve and he gets my basic info like location, pricepoint and number of bedrooms. he acts all excited about the possibilities that he's pulling up on his computer but not showing us, then he hands us off to will.

i'm still trying to figure out if that's the guy's real name.

will takes us on a magic tour around the city looking at shithole after shithole. will is tall. like lurch tall. like uncomfortably tall. and he walks fast. and doesn't talk. i kept trying to bring him out of his shell, and he just wasn't having it. once he even dared a "donotcrosswalk" and lost us. he'd made it all the way to the next block before he figured out we weren't with him.

i asked him if he'd ever lost anyone before. he said, "everyday." WOW.

so, the first place he showed us was in a basement. with graffiti on the windows. it had terra-cotta  outdoor tiles on the floor and access to a "garden space" that was really a dumping ground for broken furniture. um, no.

the next place was nice. first floor. pretty spacious. lived in by a SLOB. the bathroom was nice, but gross. i thought things were looking up. until I realized that there was no stove. no oven. no cooking apparatus at all.

that's when I asked Will how many were left on the list. there were four more. i asked him how many of them he'd seen. he pointed to the one we'd just been in and the one we were standing in. he said that most people don't come in with my budget. he said most people were looking to spend $1200 to $2000.

i asked him what the apartments he usually showed were like. he just laughed. creepy.

the next two places were identical. once we found them. will got a little turned around and we did some backtracking. the largest thing about them were the kitchens. the kitchens were SWANK. the bathrooms were nice. everything was new and fresh. but the livingrooms were hallways and the bedrooms were closets. literally.

there was plenty of room in the kitchens, but there were doors (to the outside, closets, the bathroom) everywhere, so you couldn't put furniture in them. crazy. i even laid down in the floor of the bedroom, and with my feet touching the wall, i couldn't extend my hands over my head all the way. and that was length-wise. double crazy.

oh, and one of them had a lovely view of a cemetery. with a fresh grave.

the next two places had already rented earlier in the day, and by that time I was cranky and hungry, so we parted with will. when we did, he shook my hand and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me. AWESOME.

so, that was an adventure. and i'm glad i took a friend.

oh, and the listing i blogged? never saw it. i don't think it exists.

~*@LOOK HERE@*GIGANTIC*1BR*24HRdm/ELE/LAN LUX BLDG*SUBWAY*ASAP OR 9/1

~*THE HEART OF CHELSEA*~

AVAILABLE FOR IMMEDIATE OR 9/1 MOVE-IN

GLEAMING HARDWOOD FLOORS,IMPOSSIBLY HIGH CEILINGS,BRAND NEW STAINLESS STEEL APPLIANCES, 1 BLOCK FROM MULTIPLE SUBWAYS, THE PERFECT LOCATION!!!

SCHEDULE A PRIVATE VIEWING NOW


CALL / TEXT

WILL: 212-470-4816or EMAIL: WillK1groupNYC@gmail.com

DOORWAY/FOYER




THESE PICS ARE 100% ACCURATE AS I TOOK THEM MYSELF!! COME SEE FOR YOURSELF!!

SCHEDULE A PRIVATE VIEWING NOW


CALL / TEXT

WILL: 212-470-4816or EMAIL: WillK1groupNYC@gmail.com


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• cats are OK - purrr
• dogs are OK - wooof
• Location: CHELSEA
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Fee Disclosure: Broker Fee Apartment
• Listed By: Best Apts NYC

PostingID: 3218479455

here i am, in nyc. corporate housing is SWANK, btw. true one bedroom, amazing view, real kitchen, sizable bathroom, TWO closets, elevator, gym, laundry, doorman, AND MAID SERVICE every other monday. i have no idea how much this place costs. most likely the right arm of a right-armed man. plus the leg he has left to stand on.

oddly enough, though, the tv only gets one channel. and it's in spanish. a spanish-speaking sports-coverage channel. thank goodness for netflix.

but the cats are loving it. petey has recovered from his adventure in carrier-pooping and mad-cattery at the airport and is currently laying on my typing arm. cece is demanding belly rubs and head-butting me awake for ear scratches.

so, TODAY i went to see my very first west village apartment. which is why i've been up all night, freaked the freak out.

let's be honest: i've never lived anywhere without central air. a dishwasher. a washer/dryer. screens on the windows. closet space. a full-sized refrigerator. you know, stuff.

i've also never paid close to $3000 for anything. especially not once a month.

i'm already trying to weigh my fear of the subway against my fear of hovels. upper west side? not looking as far away as it once did ...