Category: Iphone

sometimes you have to fail to win

10/18/2012

i'm still not going to tell you my secret that's not my secret. but, i have some fun adventures in fail-to-win cooking to share with you. and you're just going to have to deal with that.

i decided that i wanted to make sour cream and onion potato chips. not just that i want to thin slice potatoes and either bake them or fry them. i wanted to make LAY'S SOUR CREAM AND ONION POTATO CHIPS.

and i started out with a big win. before i tell you about it, i'd like to point out that i KNOW this isn't how lay's does it. i KNOW lay's has a concentrated yummy powder they put on potato chips. that i could probably just put powdered sour cream and onion dip on homemade potato chips and call it a day. but, i'd seen a recipe where someone tried something similar to what i did with fake mashed potatoes. so i figured this was worth a try. (plus i'd been drinking, as seen at left.)

"lay's sour cream and onion" mashed potatoes

you'll need:
2 irish baking potatoes
chicken stock
6 cloves garlic
2 tbsp fresh chopped chives
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tsp onion powder
salt and pepper to taste

what you'll do:
peel your potatoes. i know there's this trick that everyone has seen online where you boil the potato, put it in ice cold water for five minutes, and then twist the peel right off. but i peel first, because i boil cubes.

cut your potatoes into cubes.

throw them into a large pot full of chicken stock with your garlic cloves and bring to a boil. boil gently for 10-15 minutes — until a cube falls off a fork when stuck.

strain, reserving your stock for future use. mash the potatoes and garlic together. add the sour cream, chives and onion powder with some salt and pepper.

i promise it tastes like a freaking potato chip.

so, the idea was to bake thin layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper.

ok, so that was dumb. i ended up with thin burned layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper. my next thought was to invest in a food dehydrator. then i remembered my kitchen-space and monetary situations. then, my next thought was caviar.

yeah. i went from potato chips to caviar. it makes total sense.

i kept thinking about those little pancakes that come with caviar. and how a lot of people like their caviar with sour cream.

so, i walked around new york for about an hour in search of a can of caviar that i could afford but should also taste good. west village market: go.

rachel's not so pretty potato pancakes for caviar consumption

you'll need:
leftover lay's sour cream and onion mashed potatoes
an egg
leftover creamy lemon chive dressing
grated cheese (i used my leftover fontina)
caviar
parchment paper

what you'll do:

1) leftover mashed potatoes, i used half this amount

3) finely grate your cheese

5) put smallish clumps on parchment paper on a cookie sheet

7) flatten with another cookie sheet. bake the whole thing at 250 degrees for 15-120 minutes. yes, with both cookie sheets. flip your patties and repeat the baking.

no, they're not pretty. but they're seriously good and indulgent.

i'm pretty proud of my fail that led to a win.

*all shitty photos taken with my iphone. you'll be glad to know that i've since upgraded to the 5. so you can look forward to blazing purple hotspots in future episodes.

2) whisk your egg with your leftover dressing

4) mix it all together

6) cover with another layer of parchment paper

8) pair with chilled caviar over ice and sour cream.

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shit i'm making TONIGHT episode 2

10/6/2012

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for episode 2 of "shit i'm making TONIGHT," i really changed up the recipes i tried. like a lot. i'm almost reluctant to tell you where i started. but for the sake of the structure of these one-off blogs, i will: pork chops and squash. sounds simplistic, right? not once i was done with it, but oh-so-good.

let's start with the wine, as i always do. what you need to note here is that i'm not a sommelier, and i'm not trying to be. i'm not truly pairing wines with meals. i'm having a glass or two of a bottle i think i'll like while i cook.

this time it's a cab sauv out of oregon. eh, it's ok. their sauv blanc is way better. and much more reasonably priced. and usually, i would have chosen a heartier, chardonnay-type, white to go with pork. but with the pungent flavor of blue cheese (which i didn't even use), i thought a red would work.

then i changed up the recipe a ton and the wine was anyone's guess. i should prolly just get to the recipes.

i'll call them 'savory stuffed chops' and 'squashed pot bake.' (it will all make sense later.)

i'm going to take you through the two recipes together, because you have to use the oven for both so it effects temperature and cook time. but you can separate them. remind me, and i'll tell you how at the end. (funny, it's that sentence that will remind me. you don't actually have to do anything.)

savory stuffed chops and squashed pot bake

you'll need:
(for the chops)
two large boneless pork loin chops
4 oz fontina val d'aosta
3 slices prosciutto
2 tbsp chopped fresh chives
salt and pepper to taste
toothpicks

(for the squashed pot)
1 medium butternut squash
1 large sweet potato
1 bulb roasted garlic (mashed into a paste)
drizzle of olive oil
aluminum foil
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 stick butter (browned)
salt and pepper to taste

first things first, we roast the garlic.

preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

peel the outer layers of your bulb, without dislodging individual cloves.

cut off the top quarter to half inch of the bulb, exposing the cloves. you might need to address the lower clove layers individually.

drizzle with olive oil, and rub it in with your fingers.

wrap the whole thing in foil and put it in one cup of a muffin tin.

bake 30-35 minutes.

use a butter knife to scrape out each bulb and mash with the flat of the knife on a flat surface.

transfer the paste to a small bowl and mix with the nutmeg.

why did i roast a whole bulb into paste when the recipe called for just 3 lightly-roasted minced cloves? i wanted to bring out the nutty flavor of roasted garlic. and adding the nutmeg helped soothe the pungent-nature of the garlic.

stir, stir, stir. you don't want the butter to boil. but it WILL foam up.

once the foam subsides, you can actually watch brown specs form at the bottom of the pan. you want cinnamon-colored, autumny specks and a nutty aroma. you don't want dark brown or black specks.

once you have the specks and aroma you want, remove from heat and pour into the bowl with the squash and potato.

add the nutmegged-garlic paste, sprinkle with salt and pepper and toss by hand, coating the squares evenly.

while that bakes, peel and deseed your squash as well as peel your sweet potato. cut them into 1 inch by one inch squares and set aside in a bowl.

now we're going to brown some butter.

heat a pan over medium heat. separate an entire stick of butter into half-tablespoon-sized pats and throw into the pot.

once melted, you need to really watch the butter. it can very easily burn. and you'll lose the nutty flavor you're looking for and get a nasty-tasting mess.

spread evenly on a large cookie sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes. reduce the heat to 325, put the chops in the oven and remove both after 20-30 minutes, depending on the thickness of your chops. but, i'm getting ahead of myself.

during the first 20 minutes of the squash pot baking, prepare your chops.

grease a small pan.

chop your cheese into tiny cubes, about 1/8 inch by 1/8 inch. chop your prosciutto the same way. mix them together in a bowl with your chopped fresh chives.

divide into halves and roll into 2 loose balls.

with a sharp knife cut a "pocket" into your chops, much the same way you'd butterfly them, only leaving three sides intact.

push one ball into each pocket and flatten your chops. close the pocket with toothpicks.

place them in your greased pan and salt and pepper the top.

bake for 20-30 minutes at 325 degrees with your squash pot bake.

the flavors of the fontina are woodsy, nutty and mushroomy. the prosciutto is salty. the chives are savory. making the sweet pork more flavorful.

the squash pot only serves to accentuate that nutty woodsiness. try amuche-bouching them together for the one perfect bite.

plus, the sweet potato will be softer than the squash. it's a nice contrast in one dish.

if you're going to make them separately, cook the chops in a preheated oven at 325 degrees for about 20 minutes and the squash pot at 375 degrees for 30 to 45 minutes.

don't forget to follow my pinterest board, and stay tuned for the next episode of shit i'm making TONIGHT.

*once again, all shitty photos taken with my iphone.

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i

7/9/2012

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i blog when i should tweet.

email when i should text.

repin when i should like.

tweet when i remember my password.

and facebook like no one's looking.

all (usually) angry-typed poorly from my iphone.

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texas faux pho

5/8/2012

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texas faux pho: half vietnamese soup, half texan delight, all paleo diet — this dish will stick to your ribs but not to your gut ...

what you'll need:
3 lbs bone-in beef short ribs
32 oz beef stock
1 yellow onion
1 stick fresh ginger
1 bunch celery
2 (fresh) bay leaves
1 lemon
1 bulb garlic
1 bunch cilantro
1 container button mushrooms
1 bunch swiss chard
1 bottle of wine you think tastes good
3 limes
1 jalapeno
1 purple onion
1 head lettuce
1 heirloom tomato
champagne vinegar
avocado oil
salt and pepper (emphasis on the salt)

what you'll do:

first, you have to have a good cooking wine. it is absolutely imperative that you have something you enjoy drinking. this can be a long process.

i already modified my own recipe. sue me. i got 1.5 lbs bone-in short ribs and 1.5 lbs boneless short ribs. why? that's what the harris teeter had. i like the bone-in because bone adds more flavor. for bone-in, bring them to a rapid boil (in just enough water to cover them) for five minutes and drain. see how it got all foamy? you want to get rid of that.

peel your onion, but you don't have to the ginger.

dump the meat back in your pot with 4 quarts of water, 32 oz of beef stock (homemade or storebought) and the rest of the unboiled meat.

cut your yellow onion and ginger in half, lengthwise, and brown the cut edges in avocado oil over medium heat.

you really want to brown them, not soften them. this will add the best flavor, so pre-heat your pan.

once the pot's boiling, throw in the onion and ginger. turn it down to a simmer, cover and sit back for an hour.

ok, so, here's my nifty little trick: eat a salad.

if you're like me, you left work at "normal" work-leaving-time and went to the grocery store and then put groceries away before ever even thinking about starting the soup and you're hungry.

so, let's make a salad. i like to theme my salads off what i'm making, so mine is pretty texan. but you can do what you want.

i washed and tore my lettuce, then finely chopped a quarter of my tomato and a couple slices of purple onion.

then i made a dressing of champagne vinegar, avocado oil, finely diced jalapeno and cilantro, lime juice, and salt and pepper. if it's too bitter, add a dash of sugar.

after an hour, if you taste what's in the pot, you won't die. but you won't like it either.

wash and cut off the top portion of your bunch of celery, including the leave, and throw it in the pot with the bay leaves.

knife four holes in the lemon, after rolling on the counter with the heel of your hand until soft, and throw it into the pot whole.

peel the entire bulb of garlic. yes the entire bulb. and throw it in as well.

cover and simmer another hour and a half, or more.

this is the point that it always gets dicey for me. i want this stock to taste great, but i haven't added salt yet. salt is so key. so i usually break down and put in a bullion cube or two. up to you.

strain everything out of the broth and return the broth to the pot. pick the meat out and discard everything else — after using tongs to squeeze the heated juice out of the lemon. shred the meat and throw it back into the pot.

wash and slice your mushrooms, once the stems are removed. throw them on into the pot.

i like cilantro. i know there are those people who's tastebuds have been tricked into thinking it tastes like soap. i feel bad for those people.

pick as many leaves as you want, give them a light chop and throw them into the pot. simmer another five minutes.

using just the leaves, wash and chop your swiss chard.

i use the entire bunch. you know how leafy greens cook down.

you're really supposed to throw them in the pot and stop cooking, based on any recipe i've seen. but, i like mine soft.

i also like my mushrooms soft and well-cooked.

so, i let it go until i'm hungry. and with that salad i had, it could be like 10-15 minutes.

don't judge.

the final step is the salt. i think it takes a lot. so much that the first time matt and i made this together, i got mad at how much he dumped in. then had to agree that he was right. (i hate that.)

so, salt to taste. a little pepper, too.

this stuff'll keep in the fridge for about tow weeks. but, if you're cooking for one like me, freeze some.

when you're ready to serve, dice yourself some jalapeno and fresh cilantro and juice yourself so lime and put it in the bottom of your bowl.

scoop soup over it and clean your bowl.

*all shitty photos taken with my iphone.

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sometimes you have to fail to win

shit i'm making TONIGHT episode 2

i

texas faux pho

Rachel

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