i was going to do a one-off celebrity blog post on why every woman hates emma stone. then i realized that's not fair. so i'm amending my idea. it's now why every woman either wants to BE emma stone or wants to kill her. yeah, i know. i went from hate to kill. seems harsher, right? only if you're emma stone. which none of us are. or, it'll seem harsh if emma stone DOES, in fact, wind up murdered and the FEDs read this post. well, FEDs. i have an alibi — even though you haven't told me yet when she was killed. (if you've ever seen an episode of castle, bones, law and order, svu, csi, or any other crimady (crime-drama-comedy) you'll get it. the bad guy ALWAYS has an alibi if he's caught early in the episode. even if beckett, booth, or whoever hasn't even told them when they need one for.)
ANYhoo. why do we all want to kill emma stone? this is why:
ANYhoo. why do we all want to kill emma stone? this is why:
no. it's not that she gets to play leading lady opposite the very meme-able ryan gosling in not ONE, but TWO movies of late. as you know, i ryan. but i'm not a fangirl. i just like the meme.
i know what you're thinking, "well, rachel, it seems awfully odd that you think all women would want to either be or kill emma stone over that photo if it's not for the gosling." i know, it's confusing.
and i guess it's not really emma we all hate or want to be. it's the character she plays. however, she gets to make some of these less than flattering on-screen faces and still have people think she's cute:
i know what you're thinking, "well, rachel, it seems awfully odd that you think all women would want to either be or kill emma stone over that photo if it's not for the gosling." i know, it's confusing.
and i guess it's not really emma we all hate or want to be. it's the character she plays. however, she gets to make some of these less than flattering on-screen faces and still have people think she's cute:
i KNOW, right?!?! i make those faces and i'm untagging myself so fast.
seriously, though. look at this:
seriously, though. look at this:
you caught me. i made that. but i think it sums up their storyline quite well.
he's all "hi." she's all "no."
he's all "hi." she's all "no."
then she's all "yes." and he's all "YES."
i WOULD like to point out at this time that gosling has a very signature kiss. it's from "the notebook." maybe you remember it? he's been doing it in every movie since then.
then she's all "i don't know." and he's all, "anything you want."
and then she's all "yes." and he's all "pg-13."
and so it goes. until she's snagged the "hot guy from the bar" in her confusing red-headed trap. and he's calling her "a game-changer" to his best guy friend, while saying shit like this to her:
that. that right there is why women would love to be emma stone. or would love to kill emma stone. she tamed the bad boy. caught the uncatchable catfish-tale. snapped a pic of sasquatch. proved the existence of nessie, the loch ness monster. in fact, she went for a ride on nessie's back. with a really big aquatic saddle.
by definition, the bad boy is unattainable. in fact, he's less attractive when he's not the bad boy. just look at gosling. he had "photoshopped" abs as the bad boy. next thing you know, he's admitting to having a coin bear for every state quarter. i don't know what a coin bear is. but it doesn't sound bad-boy.
so, yeah, emma stone. watch out. it's you and your kind that makes bad boys unattractive. we blame you.
i leave you all with this:
by definition, the bad boy is unattainable. in fact, he's less attractive when he's not the bad boy. just look at gosling. he had "photoshopped" abs as the bad boy. next thing you know, he's admitting to having a coin bear for every state quarter. i don't know what a coin bear is. but it doesn't sound bad-boy.
so, yeah, emma stone. watch out. it's you and your kind that makes bad boys unattractive. we blame you.
i leave you all with this:
why? because i can. :{D
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