so. remember the saga of the two guys looking for wedding dates on craigslist? well, my friends andrea and alexa posted a response to craigslist: two women need two men needing wedding dates - w4m - 236 (nyc - saratoga). i thought that was pretty cute. but if you clicked on the link you'll see that craigslist removed it.

if they can figure out why, they'll repost. any ideas? is it the pot leaves? the mentions of being craigslist killers? or the cussing? take a look:

these are the photos:

seriously, let them know what you think it is: 2girlsonedate@gmail.com

you never know, your suggestion could get them some chicken cordon bleu and watered-down open bar drinks!

:{ schnoogins.

i'm still not going to tell you my secret that's not my secret. but, i have some fun adventures in fail-to-win cooking to share with you. and you're just going to have to deal with that.

i decided that i wanted to make sour cream and onion potato chips. not just that i want to thin slice potatoes and either bake them or fry them. i wanted to make LAY'S SOUR CREAM AND ONION POTATO CHIPS.

and i started out with a big win. before i tell you about it, i'd like to point out that i KNOW this isn't how lay's does it. i KNOW lay's has a concentrated yummy powder they put on potato chips. that i could probably just put powdered sour cream and onion dip on homemade potato chips and call it a day. but, i'd seen a recipe where someone tried something similar to what i did with fake mashed potatoes. so i figured this was worth a try. (plus i'd been drinking, as seen at left.)

"lay's sour cream and onion" mashed potatoes

you'll need:
2 irish baking potatoes
chicken stock
6 cloves garlic
2 tbsp fresh chopped chives
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tsp onion powder
salt and pepper to taste

what you'll do:
peel your potatoes. i know there's this trick that everyone has seen online where you boil the potato, put it in ice cold water for five minutes, and then twist the peel right off. but i peel first, because i boil cubes.

cut your potatoes into cubes.

throw them into a large pot full of chicken stock with your garlic cloves and bring to a boil. boil gently for 10-15 minutes — until a cube falls off a fork when stuck.

strain, reserving your stock for future use. mash the potatoes and garlic together. add the sour cream, chives and onion powder with some salt and pepper.

i promise it tastes like a freaking potato chip.

so, the idea was to bake thin layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper.

ok, so that was dumb. i ended up with thin burned layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper. my next thought was to invest in a food dehydrator. then i remembered my kitchen-space and monetary situations. then, my next thought was caviar. 

yeah. i went from potato chips to caviar. it makes total sense.

i kept thinking about those little pancakes that come with caviar. and how a lot of people like their caviar with sour cream.

so, i walked around new york for about an hour in search of a can of caviar that i could afford but should also taste good. west village market: go.

rachel's not so pretty potato pancakes for caviar consumption

you'll need:
leftover lay's sour cream and onion mashed potatoes
an egg
leftover creamy lemon chive dressing
grated cheese (i used my leftover fontina)
caviar
parchment paper

i just got my first julibox in the mail. sadly, it's collection #2. i missed out on collection #1. but i think i'm still one of the first kids on this drinking train.

why do i think that? a couple reasons. first? i had to wait months for my birchbox subscription/membership, but juli accepted me right away. second? i don't think they're 100% buttoned up yet. (they're still figuring out their store situation, and there was a slight problem with one of their mixipes.)

i have no fear that they'll get there. or that others won't follow my tipsy lead and get their own subscription/membership. and in the meantime, i can enjoy my hand-selected drinking adventures regardless.

see, juli curates monthly cocktail deliveries. you get all the spirits and mixers you need to make 4 drinks (2 of each mixipe included). plus, if you need anything else like fresh herbs or fruit, you get an email reminder to grab them before your box arrives. so you can enjoy as soon as the box hits your doorstep (or in my case, the ups at 325 houston where i have to pick mine up).

so, this new addition to one-off blogging reviews the contents of my box. (again, minds OUT of the gutter.)

first, i had the bramble 75.

now, as you know, i don't like gin. but i liked this fine. it reminds me of a cocktail i've had at single brothers. no, not the infamous and beloved "old girl." the champagne and st germain one that's called a french-something-or-other. 

which is interesting, because the bramble 75 is based on the french 75.

it's also supposed to be pink in  honor of breast cancer month. i'm all for honoring breast cancer. but does that >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
look pink to you? kinda purple, if you ask me. so, perfect for pancreatic cancer month.

this recipe is the one where juli kinda fucked up. i got an email to get lemons, blackberries and cinnamon sticks for this box. and this recipe called for the juice of half a lemon, but never told me what to do with it. so, as i do, i winged it.

you'll need:
3/4 oz* hendrick's gin (included)
3/4 oz* chambored black raspberry liqueur (included)
1/2 bottle** mionetto prosecco (included)
the juice of half a lemon
a lemon twist
blackberries (optional)
ice
shaker
wine or champagne glass (i chose to use a czech crystal tumbler because i never have reason to pull them out)

*3/4 oz is like half an airplane bottle.
**you have eyeballs. eyeball it.

so, juli said to pour all spirits into the shaker over ice and shake. strain it into a wine glass over fresh ice. top with prosecco. garnish with lemon twist and optional blackberries. juli also noted that you could serve it in a champagne glass sans ice.

what i actually did was shake the gin and chambored with the lemon juice and poured over ice. then i poured in half the bottle of prosecco. i was kinda hesitant to shake a bubbly — just saying, juli.

i liked it. both glasses of it. despite my gin-dislike. it even came with a cute toast: "may all your joys be pure joys, and all your pain champagne."

there's also supposed to be a video online of how to make each collection. collection #2 must be coming soon, as i've only seen collection #1. the video might clear up what to do with the lemon juice. hell, the lemon juice could have been a typo and i didn't need it at all. 

next? the autumn sling.

i liked this one better. probably mainly for it's lack of gin. or because it was second and my cheeks were already a little pink. or because i really enjoyed playing with the cinnamon stick — ALSO probably because my cheeks were already a little pink. (i even googled how to harvest cinnamon. cinnamon is a tree. i don't think i ever really thought about that.)

this one: also not pink. but it was seasonally right on. added bonus: as a "sling" it could be served hot OR cold. juli seemed to suggest cold. but i bet it would be pretty good hot. and a hot bevvie would be so clutch in this fledgling cold weather.

the toast: "may your house always be too small to hold all of your friends." (not hard in my new yourk.)

you'll need:
3/4 oz basil hayden's 8 year old bourbon (included)
3/4 oz domain de canton ginger liqueur (included)
1 oz martinelli apple juice (included)
the juice of half a lemon (this time i was told what to do with it)
lemon peel
cinnamon stick (optional)
ice
shaker
rocks glass

so yeah, you dump the spirits and juices in a shaker over ice, shake, and strain into a rocks glass over fresh ice. garnish with lemon peel and optional cinnamon stick.

*as always, all shitty photos taken with my iphone. and drink your box with responsibility, people. 

we're going a little loosey-goosey with this episode. because i did some weekend cooking, some weekend experimenting, and some weekend day-drinking. and it's wednesday. 

so, i have no fun pic of a bottle of wine to start with. i don't have finished pics of one dish. there's even going to be a whole second installment of one-off food blog to chronicle all of the things i did with food over the weekend. (and if you have a gross mind, get it out of my gutter.)

we're going to start with where i started: jalapeño deviled eggs and cilantro-lime chicken salad, both from my pinterest board, "shit i'm making TONIGHT" and soon to be seen on "i did it."

which one will i make again? both. which one first? the eggs. because i'd do things differently a second time around.

first thing i'm gonna do is teach you how to boil an egg. yes, i know you THINK you know how to boil an egg. 

but, to be fair, i have an ex who didn't know how to boil water. he filled the pot to the brim and put it on a burner set to high. most of us know how THAT turned out. 

no, i'm going to teach you how to boil and egg without that strange green ring around your yoke. while i dislike the green ring because i think it makes for a dry yoke, it's also not aesthetically pleasing. and you see a lot of yoke in deviled eggs. so aesthetics are important.

get yourself a medium-sized pot with a lid. gently put 6 (or however many, it's 6 for this recipe) eggs into your pot and cover with water about an inch higher than the eggs.

why do we put the eggs in first and not the water? because people seem to acquire an irrational fear of water when dropping things into it and never let their fingertips get wet. so you tend to drop them in and crack your eggs when they hit the bottom of the pot.

why do we not bring the water to a boil before dropping in the eggs in? because the fear of water is rational at this point — as it's BOILING — and you're even more likely to crack your eggs.

put your pot on a burner at medium-high heat and bring to a boil. not a full-on rolling boil, but a baby boil. once you hit boil, put the lid on, turn off the burner and remove from heat. let it sit for 20 minutes. then run your eggs under cold water.

gently tap them all over on a flat surface and remove the shell. cut open. no green rings. perfect.

jalapeño deviled eggs

you'll need:
6 large boiled eggs, cooled and peeled
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
3 tbsp mayo (i'd actually do less, see my notes at the end)
2 tsp chopped cilantro
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 teaspoon citrus champagne vinegar
the juice of a quarter of a lime
pinch cayenne pepper
pinch paprika
salt and pepper to taste
a plastic baggie

you'll notice i already switched out the vinegar and added paprika. the paprika was an accident, i grabbed the wrong jar. and the vinegar was what i had on hand and it worked.

but the addition of the lime juice was very purposeful. i just feel like if you're going to have cilantro and jalapeño, you gotta have lime juice. 

what you'll do:
cut your eggs in half lengthwise and remove the yokes with a spoon. mash the yokes in a bowl. like really well. 

add everything else to the bowl and mix. 

i put it all in a plastic baggie and kneaded it a little. then i cut off the corner of the baggie and used it to pipe the whole mess into my little egg boats.

i call them boats because the "deviled" was too runny. it formed lakes into my little boats and sunk them. the whole plate was deviled. (which was fine, as i have no shame in licking  palate. it's just not presentable. and deviled eggs are normally a presentation-type thing.)

what would i do differently? more yokes. less mayo. refrigerated the deviled baggie for an hour or two before piping into the boats.

and i AM going to try again, soon. they were totes good. i might even make me some paelo-mayo and try it like that.

what you're supposed to do is pipe it into the egg boats and refrigerate for an hour or more before serving. but i'm liking my refrigerate in baggie idea to let the deviled set a little. 

so, now i have an assload of cilantro. and another jalapeño. and lime. i should make cilantro-lime chicken salad.

you'll need:
3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts (if i were to do this again i'd do 2 large breasts and 2 thighs. i'll explain later)
chicken stock (recipe found here, subtract the lemon. or you can use what you have frozen or even store-bought.)
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
4 tbs chopped cilantro
the juice of one lime
one finely-diced red onion
1/3 cup mayo
1 tbs dijon mustard
1tsp cumin
salt and pepper to taste

how to poach chicken
in a medium-large pot, immerse the chicken in chicken stock.

bring it to a boil over medium-high heat. once it starts boiling, reduce the heat to a simmer and partially cover for 10 minutes. 

remove from the heat and let the chicken hang out in the stock for about 15 minutes.

after that, the rest of the recipe is pretty simple.

what you'll do:
use two forks pulling in opposite directions to shred your chicken.

put it into a large bowl with the rest of the ingredients (well, minus the chicken stock, obvi. the chicken stock you re/freeze for later.). stir it all around.

let it cool in the fridge for several hours before serving.

now, while this recipe was so good it actually inspired me to make a sammy (and we all know my crazy aversion to all things bread.), it IS a little dry.

when i made my sammy i put mayo on the bread, even though most normal people wouldn't on a salad sandwich. and the tomatoes helped.

but it wasn't really a "needs-more-mayo" kind of dry, it was an "i-used-all-white-meat" kind of dry. next time i'll use some thighs, as noted earlier.

i have my first request. black chimichurri steak. i'll look into that and maybe this weekend try it out. if not, for sure next week.

follow my board, and remember: ALWAYS drink responsibly when you cook, you could lose a finger.

*all shitty photos taken with my iphone

this is where rachelwriteson "started." as an idea:

and i actually started using an acne face wash. i took one photo, the "before." then i never really followed through. that should have signaled doom for my one-off blog idea. i have no follow through. but here i am writing a one-off blog entry, and here you are reading a one-off blog entry.

you'll never see the "i ordered an acne wash that takes 3 weeks and here's my 'before' photo" photo-a-day blog. mainly because i have no idea what i did with that photo, but also because the entry would just be a pic of me with acne. 

you've seen plenty of "my boyfriend is a caveman and i cooked paleo once" food blogs. and i owe you some "shit i'm making TONIGHT" entries, because i've been cooking up a storm. but, i thought i'd address the "i had crazy sex adventures that one time" sex blog.

hence the mom-shutting-her-eyes part. except that, really, i'm gonna be pretty pg about this. 

so this one night, i was out with friends. one was a fellow copywriter. a DUDE writer. and we got to talking about "50 shades of gray," which neither of us has actually read, and decided we could do better. you know, a danielle-steele-esque sexcapade novel that both girls AND guys would want to read.

then we drank more and it turned into something else all together. see, both of us are in successful adult relationships. but there are still times when i'm like, "what in the hell does THAT mean?" or he's like, "what's the right answer in 'does this make me look fat?' situations?". 

so, we decided to write something else entirely. kind of a handbook for the opposite sex. or, at least that's how i remember it. there was wine. and a lot of it. 

the next day, he sent me some topics: foreplay, hooking up on first date, meeting the fam, what you look for in the opposite sex, signals, marriage, and cheating. i sent back more topics: porn, the morning after, pregnancy scare, sharing 'numbers', "we were on a break," one night stand, "i kissed a girl," work wives, the second kiss is actually the important kiss, the proper answer to "does this make me look fat?" is always sex, girls share everything with their friends (including that picture of your penis you sent to her phone), who has to sleep in the wet spot, and to snuggle or not to snuggle. (don't worry mom, i'm not an expert on all those topics. but i know enough people who are to do the research.)

and that's where it ended. except that i soft-lobbed the idea to a couple friends — a "would you read this?" sort of thing. and they got excited at the idea. i never told the dude. so, question for you: would you read it? 

what if it were one of those books that on one side is for "her" called "Walking on Mars" written by a dude and on the other is for "him" called "Vacationing on Venus" written by a girl like me? and they cover off on the same topics chapter-by-chapter. 

all under pseudonyms, of course. for honesty and privacy's sake. and now that the idea is out there on the interwebbings, really, it could be ANYONE writing it. even the mustachioed man :{0 

what did i do while guys shoved shit into my new apartment? i guarded the truck. 

not from passerby or thieves, but from cops and meter maids.

not sure if you can see it, but there's a "no parking" sign there. 

even a sign that proclaims that if you dare to idle over 3 minutes it's a $2000 fine.

one that says "no standing at any time" is being obscured by the truck.

without supervision, i was left with this:

i can't lay on that sofa. i'm a tall girl.

my mom suggested i get an ottoman to put at the end of it, kind of like an extension. 

not a bad idea. i think i'll take a look at west elm to see if there's anything that might go well with my existing sofa.

i really wish i could find a way to make the chaise work. any ideas? 

i'll cook the winner a chicken dinner. (5 points if you know the reference.)

things i have left to do are finish unpacking, get an island, figure out what to do with the boxes, buy bed lifts, and hire a handyman. 

i need him to do a few things: hang my shelves above my sofa, mount my tv to the wall, hang blinds in two windows, and build me a storage ledge over the front door. 

again, any suggestions?

i'm going to attempt curtain rods on my own. if that goes well, maybe i'll go for the blinds. but the other stuff involves being able to put weight on things. and i'm not sure i'm up to that ...

when it comes to space planning in a crazy small space: measure twice, write it down once. because if you're like me, you get home and don't remember what all the measurements corresponded to. i did a lot of "feet or inches?" when i got home.

but, i'm getting ahead of myself. i'm downsizing. not by choice, but my location. i recently took a job in manhattan from north carolina. 

how do i plan to have tomorrow's move-in go smoothly? well, i put some skills i failed at and then later retook for a passing grade to work. good work, i hope. 

so, here it is: rachel's space planning 101 for small nyc apartments.

you'll need:
a tape measurer
graph paper
a pen or pencil
scissors
a ruler
a camera
patience/wine

frist thing you do is measure all your furniture in the 1200 sq ft lap of luxury that you're leaving. be sure to get the width, length, heighth and depth of every piece, including rugs. and if it has doors or drawers on it, measure with those open as well.

then you find a tiny small apartment to live in. when they hand you the keys, excitedly run over to measure every nook an cranny. 

make sure you measure the wall space between windows and how much space a door takes up when open. why? the space between windows is positive space: you can use it — but there are a lot of pieces you can't put in front of a window. the space a door takes up is negative space: you can't use it — the door is using it. (although if it's an interior door, you can always remove it.)

measure the ceiling height, this is important to know when figuring out the btu output rating of the window ac unit you'll need. plus, most storage solutions build UP. since you can't build DOWN into the floor.

look around for odd spaces or spaces you'd normally not use. chances are you'll have to find a way to use them. measure them.

figure out how much space is between the window and the floor. and is there a strange, long 4 inch heating element that runs the length of your room? that affects furniture placement. measure it.

draw a rudimentary skecth of the room with your notes.

and take pictures while you're there for goodness sake. of everything. even if it seems elementary at the time.

then: draw your room to scale. 

then you cut yourself out your pieces of furniture to scale, based on your measurements and you're in business.

always remember door clearances and movement allowances. here's where I first landed:

but each and every time i liked a design, i took a pic. i tried scenarios with more furniture than i ended up with and scenarios with less.

but i knew it when i saw it. and we'll see if my multiple games of tetris paid off as guys shove shit into my apartment all day tomorrow.

look for more small space solutions coming soon. 'cause i've been freaking out ;)