what is "fridge soup?" it's where you take everything out of the fridge, put it in a pot and simmer it for an hour or more (depending on what's in your fridge).

and this was so good that i have to capture it here. i was drinking my current fave: la crema pinot noir. it's kinda pricey, but if you can ever find it — stock up.

serves:
as many people as put things in your fridge x a couple meals

equipment:
large cast iron pot
a beater with a whisk attachment (or a truck stop hooker who's good at "lending a hand." in which case you'll also need a ten dollar bill and a good hand sanitizer. and maybe a bail bondsman. i recommend atx bail bonds.)

ingredients:
2 pan roasted chicken breasts meant to go in lunch salads, cubed
1/2 container leftover portobello mushrooms, diced to stretch further
3 medium onion bulbs, sliced, stems and all
1/2 container leftover h.e.b. diced white onion
the only 32 oz container chicken stock in the pantry, which is weird b/c you always have stock
2 cubes garlic bouillon
1 tbsp tomato bouillon with chicken
2 packets sazón goya con azafrán
4 cups water
the juice of two limes
4 eggs, separated
1 tbsp grape seed oil b/c you're out of olive oil

what you'll do:
sauté all onions, mushrooms and chicken in your grape seed oil over med-high heat right in the cast iron pot.

meanwhile, muddle all your bouillon together (which includes the sazón goya packets if your spanish is rusty). 

add the bouillon to your pot when the onions are about halfway to translucent. stir.

continue to cook until you can see through your onions. 

add your water, lime juice and stock and bring to a boil. 

once boiling, turn down to simmer and cover. you'll want to stay like this for about an hour. 

open another bottle of wine, if needed. 

when your husband gets home, the house will smell great and he'll want to eat right away. but you have one more step to go. give him one of those abita wrought iron ipa's from the fridge and let him cool his heels. he can find you guys a nice documentary on netflix.

beat your egg yokes until they get bigger and change color. seriously. 

add half your egg whites and beat until frothy. 

remove 1 cup of broth from your soup pot and slowly beat it into your eggs. the idea here is to heat the egg without cooking them into an egg patty. 

now pour that into your pot. stir and serve.

y'all. that shit was so good. and it wasn't just the wine. we both had it again today for lunch and it was still the bomb-diggity. i suggest you raid your fridge today. like right now.

addition:
reading back through this, we need to go to the grocery store. 

i'm still not going to tell you my secret that's not my secret. but, i have some fun adventures in fail-to-win cooking to share with you. and you're just going to have to deal with that.

i decided that i wanted to make sour cream and onion potato chips. not just that i want to thin slice potatoes and either bake them or fry them. i wanted to make LAY'S SOUR CREAM AND ONION POTATO CHIPS.

and i started out with a big win. before i tell you about it, i'd like to point out that i KNOW this isn't how lay's does it. i KNOW lay's has a concentrated yummy powder they put on potato chips. that i could probably just put powdered sour cream and onion dip on homemade potato chips and call it a day. but, i'd seen a recipe where someone tried something similar to what i did with fake mashed potatoes. so i figured this was worth a try. (plus i'd been drinking, as seen at left.)

"lay's sour cream and onion" mashed potatoes

you'll need:
2 irish baking potatoes
chicken stock
6 cloves garlic
2 tbsp fresh chopped chives
1/2 cup sour cream
2 tsp onion powder
salt and pepper to taste

what you'll do:
peel your potatoes. i know there's this trick that everyone has seen online where you boil the potato, put it in ice cold water for five minutes, and then twist the peel right off. but i peel first, because i boil cubes.

cut your potatoes into cubes.

throw them into a large pot full of chicken stock with your garlic cloves and bring to a boil. boil gently for 10-15 minutes — until a cube falls off a fork when stuck.

strain, reserving your stock for future use. mash the potatoes and garlic together. add the sour cream, chives and onion powder with some salt and pepper.

i promise it tastes like a freaking potato chip.

so, the idea was to bake thin layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper.

ok, so that was dumb. i ended up with thin burned layers of mashed potatoes on parchment paper. my next thought was to invest in a food dehydrator. then i remembered my kitchen-space and monetary situations. then, my next thought was caviar. 

yeah. i went from potato chips to caviar. it makes total sense.

i kept thinking about those little pancakes that come with caviar. and how a lot of people like their caviar with sour cream.

so, i walked around new york for about an hour in search of a can of caviar that i could afford but should also taste good. west village market: go.

rachel's not so pretty potato pancakes for caviar consumption

you'll need:
leftover lay's sour cream and onion mashed potatoes
an egg
leftover creamy lemon chive dressing
grated cheese (i used my leftover fontina)
caviar
parchment paper

we're going a little loosey-goosey with this episode. because i did some weekend cooking, some weekend experimenting, and some weekend day-drinking. and it's wednesday. 

so, i have no fun pic of a bottle of wine to start with. i don't have finished pics of one dish. there's even going to be a whole second installment of one-off food blog to chronicle all of the things i did with food over the weekend. (and if you have a gross mind, get it out of my gutter.)

we're going to start with where i started: jalapeño deviled eggs and cilantro-lime chicken salad, both from my pinterest board, "shit i'm making TONIGHT" and soon to be seen on "i did it."

which one will i make again? both. which one first? the eggs. because i'd do things differently a second time around.

first thing i'm gonna do is teach you how to boil an egg. yes, i know you THINK you know how to boil an egg. 

but, to be fair, i have an ex who didn't know how to boil water. he filled the pot to the brim and put it on a burner set to high. most of us know how THAT turned out. 

no, i'm going to teach you how to boil and egg without that strange green ring around your yoke. while i dislike the green ring because i think it makes for a dry yoke, it's also not aesthetically pleasing. and you see a lot of yoke in deviled eggs. so aesthetics are important.

get yourself a medium-sized pot with a lid. gently put 6 (or however many, it's 6 for this recipe) eggs into your pot and cover with water about an inch higher than the eggs.

why do we put the eggs in first and not the water? because people seem to acquire an irrational fear of water when dropping things into it and never let their fingertips get wet. so you tend to drop them in and crack your eggs when they hit the bottom of the pot.

why do we not bring the water to a boil before dropping in the eggs in? because the fear of water is rational at this point — as it's BOILING — and you're even more likely to crack your eggs.

put your pot on a burner at medium-high heat and bring to a boil. not a full-on rolling boil, but a baby boil. once you hit boil, put the lid on, turn off the burner and remove from heat. let it sit for 20 minutes. then run your eggs under cold water.

gently tap them all over on a flat surface and remove the shell. cut open. no green rings. perfect.

jalapeño deviled eggs

you'll need:
6 large boiled eggs, cooled and peeled
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
3 tbsp mayo (i'd actually do less, see my notes at the end)
2 tsp chopped cilantro
1 tsp dijon mustard
1 teaspoon citrus champagne vinegar
the juice of a quarter of a lime
pinch cayenne pepper
pinch paprika
salt and pepper to taste
a plastic baggie

you'll notice i already switched out the vinegar and added paprika. the paprika was an accident, i grabbed the wrong jar. and the vinegar was what i had on hand and it worked.

but the addition of the lime juice was very purposeful. i just feel like if you're going to have cilantro and jalapeño, you gotta have lime juice. 

what you'll do:
cut your eggs in half lengthwise and remove the yokes with a spoon. mash the yokes in a bowl. like really well. 

add everything else to the bowl and mix. 

i put it all in a plastic baggie and kneaded it a little. then i cut off the corner of the baggie and used it to pipe the whole mess into my little egg boats.

i call them boats because the "deviled" was too runny. it formed lakes into my little boats and sunk them. the whole plate was deviled. (which was fine, as i have no shame in licking  palate. it's just not presentable. and deviled eggs are normally a presentation-type thing.)

what would i do differently? more yokes. less mayo. refrigerated the deviled baggie for an hour or two before piping into the boats.

and i AM going to try again, soon. they were totes good. i might even make me some paelo-mayo and try it like that.

what you're supposed to do is pipe it into the egg boats and refrigerate for an hour or more before serving. but i'm liking my refrigerate in baggie idea to let the deviled set a little. 

so, now i have an assload of cilantro. and another jalapeño. and lime. i should make cilantro-lime chicken salad.

you'll need:
3 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts (if i were to do this again i'd do 2 large breasts and 2 thighs. i'll explain later)
chicken stock (recipe found here, subtract the lemon. or you can use what you have frozen or even store-bought.)
1 jalapeño, deseeded and minced
4 tbs chopped cilantro
the juice of one lime
one finely-diced red onion
1/3 cup mayo
1 tbs dijon mustard
1tsp cumin
salt and pepper to taste

how to poach chicken
in a medium-large pot, immerse the chicken in chicken stock.

bring it to a boil over medium-high heat. once it starts boiling, reduce the heat to a simmer and partially cover for 10 minutes. 

remove from the heat and let the chicken hang out in the stock for about 15 minutes.

after that, the rest of the recipe is pretty simple.

what you'll do:
use two forks pulling in opposite directions to shred your chicken.

put it into a large bowl with the rest of the ingredients (well, minus the chicken stock, obvi. the chicken stock you re/freeze for later.). stir it all around.

let it cool in the fridge for several hours before serving.

now, while this recipe was so good it actually inspired me to make a sammy (and we all know my crazy aversion to all things bread.), it IS a little dry.

when i made my sammy i put mayo on the bread, even though most normal people wouldn't on a salad sandwich. and the tomatoes helped.

but it wasn't really a "needs-more-mayo" kind of dry, it was an "i-used-all-white-meat" kind of dry. next time i'll use some thighs, as noted earlier.

i have my first request. black chimichurri steak. i'll look into that and maybe this weekend try it out. if not, for sure next week.

follow my board, and remember: ALWAYS drink responsibly when you cook, you could lose a finger.

*all shitty photos taken with my iphone

there are 3 things that are paramount when making greens:

1. a good potsticker. every time you make greens, you save the "juice." that serves as your base for your next batch. it's called "potsticker." i've been working on mine now for years. seriously. i'm going to have to figure out how to dry ice it and mail it up to new york. again, seriously.

2. wash them real good. then wash them again. then wash them again. greens are gritty. and sandy. and buggy. especially when you buy local. and you literally have to wash them for about an hour. don't believe me? ask my intern.

3. and then you cook the fuck out of 'em. greens are bitter. and if you don't cook them long enough, they stay bitter. and no one wants bitter greens. do yourself a favor and cook them until they're darker in color, kinda mushy and not bitter at all. all you should really taste is your potsticker. if you taste green, cook them longer. remember, greens aren't done until they're done.

ingredients:
two bunches of greens (they cook WAY down)
a yellow onion
a couple garlic cloves
a ham hock or two (they come packaged as two)
potsticker (or chicken stock if you're just starting out)
chicken stock
vinegar (white, tarragon or champagne. not apple cider, balsamic or red wine)
cayenne pepper
ground mustard
garlic powder
celery salt
salt&pepper

how do you wash greens? it's called a "white bowl wash." basically, you wash it in a colander while you remove the spines. then you soak it in a white bowl. then you colander it again. then you bowl it again. and you keep doing this until there's no grit at the bottom of your bowl. see the grit (above)? gross.

then you lay it out on paper towels to dry.

if you need to defrost your potsticker, do that before you start washing.

chop up your onion and garlic and sauté them in some hot olive oil in your pot. as they start to get translucent, add the ham hock. let that cook a little, just to get the smell of ham in the air and let the taste soak into the onions.

then you pour in your potsticker/chicken stock.

how do you cut greens quickly and efficiently? pile them all up (into about 4 or 5 bundles) and roll them like a cigar. grasp the bundle and slice it length-wise down the middle. then slice small sections all down the length — about 10-12.

throw your greens in the pot. pour in enough chicken stock to cover the greens.

keep it on medium-high heat until it boils. then turn it on down to simmer for 3 hours (or more).

add vinegar and spices to taste. it will take a lot.

save the potsticker for next time, throw out the ham hock and eat you some greens.

what do you drink while making greens?

moonshine. but i didn't have any.

so i did sake. whatevs.

it's ridiculous how easy it is to go from chicken stock to lemon chicken soup. ridiculous. all it takes is this: strain the stock, reserving the chicken. shred the chicken and put into the stock over medium heat.  grab 6 lemons and 6 eggs.

juice the lemons (as shown) and separate the eggs (white from yolk).

beat the yolks until frothy.

add in half the whites, beat again.

add the lemon juice, beat again.

add 2 cups of the hot chicken broth — slowly — beating as you go. the point is to heat up the egg without cooking it, so that when you introduce it to the heated broth the eggs don't scramble.

remove the broth and chicken from heat and add the egg/lemon/broth, stirring as you go.

now, here's where it gets interesting. if you're paleo, you stop here and eat soup. but traditional greek avgolemono (greek for "lemon chicken soup") calls for rice. i don't like rice. and i'm not 100% paleo. so i use orzo.

be fancy and garnish with italian parsley if you're having company. if not, don't.

and that's the best "fracking" recipe i have. do it.

*this post dedicated to mary russo. for being able to find me "that lemon chicken soup without rice that i had that one time" when i was deathly ill.

open on a naked chicken. you could throw it into a pot of boiling water and cook the crap out of it all my it's little lonesome. but it takes so much better when cooked with friends.

and a good stock is paramount to a good soup. without it, it's like a movie with no previews to get you warmed up or like not exfoliating before you spray tan.

you'll need: a big pot
2 quarts water
32 oz chicken stock (from last time or store-bought)
a whole chicken (i butchered mine. literally.)
2 lemons cut up and wrapped in cheesecloth (because i'll be making lemon chicken soup)
celery
onion
garlic
fresh bay leaves
salt and pepper

here's what i did:
i bought bulb onions, because i like the flavor. i cut 6 of them into wedges and peeled an entire bulb of garlic.

i sauteed the onion and garlic in a little olive oil and salt and pepper for about 10 minutes while i butchered my chicken.

then i threw the chicken in and gave it all a stir. i waited another five minutes and poured the water and stock over the chicken and veggies.

i added an entire bunch of celery, including the leaves (i'm weird and like to pick out the stalks that aren't fully green. so, not really the entire bunch.) and 6 fresh bay leaves as well as the lemons in cheesecloth.

then i cooked it, covered, over medium-high heat for 2 hours. which is about the time i woke up on the sofa, realizing i wasn't going to make it to full-fledged soup that night.

so, i threw it all in the fridge to make soup later. (that blog coming soon.)