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on the topic of emma stone

3/4/2013

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i was going to do a one-off celebrity blog post on why every woman hates emma stone. then i realized that's not fair. so i'm amending my idea. it's now why every woman either wants to BE emma stone or wants to kill her. yeah, i know. i went from hate to kill. seems harsher, right? only if you're emma stone. which none of us are. or, it'll seem harsh if emma stone DOES, in fact, wind up murdered and the FEDs read this post. well, FEDs. i have an alibi — even though you haven't told me yet when she was killed. (if you've ever seen an episode of castle, bones, law and order, svu, csi, or any other crimady (crime-drama-comedy) you'll get it. the bad guy ALWAYS has an alibi if he's caught early in the episode. even if beckett, booth, or whoever hasn't even told them when they need one for.)

ANYhoo. why do we all want to kill emma stone? this is why:
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no. it's not that she gets to play leading lady opposite the very meme-able ryan gosling in not ONE, but TWO movies of late. as you know, i ryan. but i'm not a fangirl. i just like the meme.

i know what you're thinking, "well, rachel, it seems awfully odd that you think all women would want to either be or kill emma stone over that photo if it's not for the gosling." i know, it's confusing.

and i guess it's not really emma we all hate or want to be. it's the character she plays. however, she gets to make some of these less than flattering on-screen faces and still have people think she's cute:
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i KNOW, right?!?! i make those faces and i'm untagging myself so fast.

seriously, though. look at this:
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you caught me. i made that. but i think it sums up their storyline quite well.

he's all "hi." she's all "no."
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then she's all "yes." and he's all "YES."
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i WOULD like to point out at this time that gosling has a very signature kiss. it's from "the notebook." maybe you remember it? he's been doing it in every movie since then.
then she's all "i don't know." and he's all, "anything you want."
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and then she's all "yes." and he's all "pg-13."
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and so it goes. until she's snagged the "hot guy from the bar" in her confusing red-headed trap. and he's calling her "a game-changer" to his best guy friend, while saying shit like this to her:
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that. that right there is why women would love to be emma stone. or would love to kill emma stone. she tamed the bad boy. caught the uncatchable catfish-tale. snapped a pic of sasquatch. proved the existence of nessie, the loch ness monster. in fact, she went for a ride on nessie's back. with a really big aquatic saddle.

by definition, the bad boy is unattainable. in fact, he's less attractive when he's not the bad boy. just look at gosling. he had "photoshopped" abs as the bad boy. next thing you know, he's admitting to having a coin bear for every state quarter. i don't know what a coin bear is. but it doesn't sound bad-boy.

so, yeah, emma stone. watch out. it's you and your kind that makes bad boys unattractive. we blame you.

i leave you all with this:
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why? because i can. :{D
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just because i ryan ...

2/25/2013

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so yeah. this was more fun than ideating on that high-impact print i'm supposed to be doing.

of course, i also used paying my bills to procrastinate. and doing an impossible image search. and started by state tax return(s).

so the bar was set pretty low. and luckily it's lunch time. so i can procrastinate on that print ideation a little longer. score.
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hey girl, this is why i don't do roommates

1/17/2013

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my co-worker's roomies aren't paying their bills. specifically their cable and internet bill. ryan gosling has something to say about that.
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the sexiest man alive?

11/14/2012

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according to people magazine, the sexiest man alive right now is channing tatum. really? i feel like i've blogged about him before. oh, wait, i have! i said he looked dumb. there's even a mattism about him. but, sexiest man alive? you be the judge. (if you click on that, please note it's NSFW.)
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it's a sweet dumb. like someone who got hit in the head as a child and was just never right after that. someone you'd shake your head and say, "that poor thing" about.
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i bet this girl never knew she'd be memed for this photo.
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in this photo, i imagine mcconaughey is marveling over the purported size of ... a subway sandwich.
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being social

9/25/2012

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i've been spending a lot of time on social media lately. because i've had a lot of free time at my desk. i'm sure you've seen me on facebook, twitter and pinterest. :{/ mustachioed man is totally judging me.

so let me give you a few presents:

beware the bacon shortage and stock up on these

this is obviously not reality blogging, but it passes the time

this might be a spank bank. so if you're into that ...

i know this guy and that makes me feel old

i'm totally going to say i'm uninterested in the new myspace and sign up for it anyway

this just in: i'm really bad at tweeting #socialmediafail

you too can meme the boo boo

this is so much better than a birchbox

i'm less opinionated than these people. but i appreciate the effort

snooki is just a bill sitting on capitol hill

now you, too, can while your day away not shopping at these sites.

(ps — there are multiple links in some sentences/words. have fun with that)
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introducing the "mattism"

4/9/2012

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so, this might take a lot of backstory. but first, what is a mattism? it's shit my boyfriend says that in some way is a stroke of genius. well, you might not think they all are. but i get to make up the definition — as i made up the phrase.

the first mattism i'll share with you has to do with channing tatum. yes, this guy:
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we went and saw '21 jump street' this past week. (and it was actually really great, both of us laughed so hard we couldn't breath. if you haven't seen it, you should.)

as we left the theater, i commented that tatum's (why he has two ambiguous names that could each be both first or last, i don't know.) agent is pretty smart for following up 'the vow' with a movie like 'jump street.'

and that his agent was always pretty good about it: 'she's the man,' 'dear john,' and 'step up' were all pretty well balanced with 'g.i. joe,' 'fighting' and 'stop loss.' and , yes, i credited these decisions to his agent, because — as i put it at the time — tatum "looks like he was hit in the back of the head with a shovel at a young age."

the. guy. looks. dumb.

you can't deny it. he looks like he's not the brightest bulb in the knife drawer. is it that he's too pretty? some would say. is it because i'm mean that i say it? many would agree.

but, i honestly think it's the vacancy in his eyes and the confused-highschool-bully gait he carries himself with. i'm sure he's a great guy. no doubt. but he looks as smart as a bag of bricks in a toilet-paper-softness test.

finally, enter the mattism: the channing scale. as in, "oh, say, what's that guy over there on the channing scale of one to ten?" not "is that guy dumb or what?!?" more like, "i wonder, is your preconceived notion that the young gentleman to your 2 o'clock would be bright or dull?"

he'd like me to point out at the is time that he actually likes tatum. i say it's because of the aforementioned admirable job his agent is doing at appealing to multiple audiences and not allowing him to be typecast as the dumb guy ...

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    Rachel

    i'm an advertising copywriter who had this idea one day to blog. one-off blog, one day this and one day that. because i'm an expert at pretty much nothing, i figured i'd write about everything.

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